Character Kidnap
by JESUSFREAK-And-Proud-Of-It
Summary: Ever wondered what goes on in Sokka's mind? Why Zuko doesn't like TEA? Why am I asking you these questions when we could ask the characters themselves? Borderline Crackfic. Do not take seriously. R&R! Rated T for mild goofy violence and insults.
1. It begins!

**A/N:** Hey guys, this is a random thing that my sister (who actually doesn't have an account on here, so don't look for her) and I made up. We're very optimistic about it, so we hope you like it! Get ready for some major randomness and slapstick humor! Whoo-hoo! And don't forget to review!

**JF:** Hello everybody, and welcome to the Character Kidnap Show!

**FS:** We're your hosts!

**FS & JF:** JesusFreak & FallShort!

**JF:** FallShort's my sister, and she's got a lot going for her today, because she's finally on the show she's been bugging me to create since the beginning!

**FS:** Yeah...so, here's how it works! All you fantastic reviewers out there, get ready to start typing! You will submit to us a detail review, including:

1. Your Fave or least Fave (or just some random) Avatar Character

2. Why you like or dislike (or don't care one way or another about) that character

3. One (or two, or three) questions you would like to ask that character, and then...

**JF:** And then we will drag the characters in here and force them to answer your questions!

**FS:** Well, I prefer calling it 'Summoning and interrogating them against their will,' but...

**JF:** Eh, who cares what fancy words you put up on it...it's all the same! Kidnapping!

**FS:** Yeah...I guess...

**JF:** And if you have any questions or comments for us, don't hesitate to type that in as well!

**FS:** We will try to reply to all of them!

**JF:** _Trying _is not an option. We _will _reply to all of you, even if it takes all night.

**FS:** Yeah, JesusFreak can do that. I'll be sleeping.

**JF:** _(scowls) _Party pooper!

**FS:** No one _uses _that expression anymore!

**JF:** I do!

**FS:** Well, you're weird!

**JF:** I know you are, but what am I?

**FS:** _(rolls her eyes) _W-E-I-R-D.

**JF:** I know you are!

**FS:** Ouya arewa osa eirdwa.

**JF:** Don't start your obnoxious Pig Latin with me! You know I can't understand it!

**FS:** attha iswa etha entirewa ointpa!

**JF:** _(Covers ears) _LALALALALA! I'M NOT LISTENING!

**FS:** _(speaking to the audience) _She's half deaf; anyway, she can't understand me when I talk in English!

**JF:** LALALALALALALALA...

**FS:** See what I mean?

**JF:** LALALALALALALALALA...

**FS:** Could you be quiet already? We agreed on our lines, and, as I remember, 'lalala' wasn't part of the original script.

**JF:** _(uncovers ears) _So? Haven't you ever heard of improvising? _(covers ears again) _

LALALALALALA...

**FS:** _(slaps a hand to her forehead) _Oh, forget it...uuuuuhhhhh! Security!

**JF:** _(uncovers ears) _You can't call security on me! I'm a host!

**FS:** That's what I'm for, the times security has to drive you to the Insane Asylum, so we always have a backup.

**JF:** _(glares murderously) _I refuse to be provoked by that statement!

**FS:** Then I am not fulfilling my duty as a sister...I must annoy you more!

**JF:** _(before FS can open her mouth) _You're forgetting this: your duty as my, yes, _my _co-host is to bore these people to tears. And my duty is to provide the comic relief and do all the important stuff. _(FS slaps JF) Ow! _That was unnecessary and...

**FS:** _(cutting her off) _It was most certainly _not _unprovoked!

**JF:** _(holding cheek) _So what if it was provoked? That particular annoyance works both ways, Shorty.

**FS:** Don't call me that! _Freak!_

**JF:** Why thank you, I'm flattered. That's the nicest thing you've ever...

**FS:** Oh, shut the *bleep* up!

**JF:** GASP! BLASPHEMOUS!

**FS:** HOLY MILK! Did I just cuss?! Tell me, is the bleeper working?

**JF:** Let's see...play the recording, Johnny! _(Johnny, the technical director, presses a button)_

_'Oh, shut the *bleep* up!'_

**FS:** _(sighs in relief) _Oh boy...that scared me...I thought I just ruined our K rating!

**JF:** Actually, I put it on T, because I knew you would let slip and I wasn't sure if the bleeper would be working. Well, now I know it is, go ahead and cuss all you want!

**FS:** Okay! You're a *bleep* of a *bleep* and you need to *bleep* the *bleep* *bleep* and *bleep*! Wow, that felt good.

**JF:** _(on the ground, ears covered, almost in tears) _Oh my EARS! MY VIRGIN EARS!

**FS:** JFreak...I've stopped... hellloooo-hoo! _(waves hand in front of JF, who is unresponsive, then shrugs and turns to audience) _She's a goner. I guess its back to the insane asylum.

**JF:** _(suddenly miraculously recovered, in a sing-song voice) _I'm be—tter now!

**FS:** _(with no enthusiasm whatsoever) _Oh the horror. The terrifying horror.

**JF:** You are lacking certain emotions with that statement that are typical of a human with hormonal issues such as yourself.

**FS:** _(Doing her best to ignore the rude comment) _I've decided to experiment with Mai's dreary personality. As the possum has shown many times over, if you play dead, perhaps the predator will lose interest.

**JF:** Huh?

**FS:** _(shaking her head) _Never mind. I wouldn't expect someone like you with 'hormonal issues' to understand.

**JF:** Okay...whatever...you do that...

**FS:** And on with our boring speech about this show...

**JF:** You just insulted yourself, you know, because you're the one who thought this up.

**FS:** On the contrary, though I thought it up, I did not _write_ it, you are doing that. Therefore, the only conceivable solution is that I am insulting _you._

**JF:** If you are trying to intimidate me with those big words...

**FS:** I am, aren't I?

**JF:** _(shrugging in defeat) _Pretty much.

**FS:** Just get on with our _planned _speech, all right?

**JF:** Okay! So! Our burly assistant Scotty...Wave to everybody, Scotty!

_(A hand appears from offstage, waving half-heartedly)_

**JF:** He's a little shy, but anyway! Scotty will be hunting down the characters for you! _(whispers) _So if you wanna send him a little thank you so he doesn't quit on us...

**FS:** We're paying him less than minimum wage, because we're both broke, but, luckily for us, no other employer would take him..._ (normal voice) _So anyway, yeah. You've got your guidelines, so, review!

**JF:** Don't be afraid of us! We're not as crazy as we sound...

_(thinks for a moment)_

**JF: **...okay, I lied...

**FS:** GASP! SIN!

**JF:** _(glares) _You're one to talk!

**FS:** _(frowns) _You're insane!

**JF:** Sanity is overrated! I use that comeback every day! _(speaks to the readers) _You'd think she'd stop using it by now...

**FS:** _(lunging toward JF, strangling her) _Don't...forget...to...review!

**JF:** _(clawing FS in the face as she is choked, slowly pries her sister loose) _Gah...! Warning: Sanity is not a rule here..._(holding the struggling FS by the wrists)..._and it can end with serious catfights, and/or serious injury, and on rare occasions severe and unprecedented graphic deaths! _(Tosses FS to the ground with no apparent effort)_

**FS:** Garrr!

**JF:** Okay! Read...review...all that good stuff..._ (makes a slit-throat sign across her neck)_...Cut the camera before Fa...

_Bleep._


	2. Jetlover? Or Jethater?

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar or any of the characters in it. The answers from the characters in this fic are purely up for interpretation, as they are just my suspicions for what will occur on the actual show.

* * *

**JF: **I'm back!!!!!

**FS: **Ahem…

**JF: **_(sighing) _And FallShort too…

**FS: **That's better. Anyway, yes, we're back! And we've got a studio audience!

_(studio audience cheers)_

**JF: **Muchos gracias to everyone who reviewed!

_(audience cheers)_

**FS: **Yes, gracias! Scotty left five hours ago with a list of characters, and should be here with the first one…_(checks watch)_…any second now…

_(Shouting from offstage. It gets progressively louder)_

**JF: **Here comes our first character…Jet!

_(Jet is pushed onstage and tied to a previously empty chair by the able-bodied Scotty. Cheers as well as 'boos' are heard from the audience)_

**FS: **_(Smiling) _Thanks so much, Scotty!

_(Scotty nods and disappears backstage)_

**JF: **Now, to business.

**Jet: **Who the heck are you?! Untie me from this chair, you FIREBENDING SCUM!

_(Boos from the crowd. Someone yells, 'Jetzula' rocks! Protesting shouts of 'Jetara' and 'Zet!' are heard, much to FS's disapproval)_

**FS: **You guys be nice! And by the way…whoever yelled ships, please keep your comments to yourself, so that we can keep relative peace in here and not embarrass the characters…_too _much.

**Jet: **The Fire Nation will never take me down! I will escape! Now I just have to figure out how to get out of this stupid chair…mark my words!

**FS: **_('marking' his words down on a pad of paper) _He's a bright one, all right…

**JF: **That's right, our little freedom fighter…_(laughs maniacally and pulls out a lighter and flicks it on)_…we're your WORST FIRE NATION NIGHTMARES!

**FS: **_(matter-of-factly) _If you don't put that away you'll set fire to the curtains.

**JF: **_(resignedly putting the lighter away) _Aw, man…

**Jet: **Let me go, you murderers!

**FS: **That's not quite politically correct. Though we are kidnappers, (or should it be 'character-nappers?') we are NOT murderers.

**Jet: **That's what they _all _say! Let me go!

**JF: **Not until we ask you a few questions…

**FS: **We have only two questions to ask him.

**JF: **_(glares at her) _You ruin all the fun cliché-ness, don't you?

**FS: **_(grinning) _Yep. Now ask the first question.

**JF:** Okay…Jet!

**Jet: **_(holding his head up bravely) _I won't succumb to any of your torture!

**FS: **I'm starting to believe we'll get better results torturing a rock.

**JF: **He's got a hard head. That counts. Anyway…Jet! From…_(reading from a piece of paper marked 'reviews') _Heihachi-Katayama: 'Where did you get those hooked swords? I mean, seriously! They are awesome!'

**Jet: **Well…they are awesome…just like me.

**FS: **_(rolling her eyes) _Yeah. And they can be broken in half. Just like you. Scotty!

**Jet: **_(whimpering) _No! Not him again! Okay…I'll talk! They were my father's…he used them as butcher knives when he broke his actual knives cutting off pig-chicken heads! And then he gave them to me…! That's all I know! I swear!

**JF: **GASP! PROFANITY!

**FS: **_(rolling her eyes) _JFreak, you'll live. _(To audience) _Does that answer you're question, Heihachi? If not, we'll drag him back here. JFreak, will you do the honors?

**JF: **_(grinning wickedly) _With pleasure. _(she takes the lighter and sets the rope restraining Jet on fire)_

_(Jet screams, and the audience gasps. Some with delight, some with utter terror and shouts of protest)_

**FS: **_(gasping with horror) _No, not _those _honors! JF, you idiot! _(grabs a random fire extinguisher and shoots it at Jet, covering him in white foam and filling his still open mouth)_

_(Jet sputters and coughs)_

**JF: **_(laughing insanely) _Now he looks like a snowman!

**FS: **That was rude, JF.

**JF: **_(crosses her arms) _Oh please. I'm positive the Jet-haters in the audience completely agree with what I did, _(Jet-haters in the audience applaud)_ and if given a chance, they would have done the same. Why are you such a wet blanket?

**FS: **Because if I wasn't, you would probably kill yourself as well as all the characters with these insane stunts! And I'm sure the Jet-_lovers _would back _me _up on this one! _(Jet-lovers cheer)_

**JF: **Whatever…just read the next question before my self-battle loses to the side that votes to pull out the knife I have in my pocket…

**FS: **Okay, okay, OKAY! O Violent One! Next question…from Darkwrite!

**JF: **HI! HOW IS THE FORUM-ING GOING?????

**FS: **Calm down, JFreak. Darkwrite, ignore her for the moment…she's absolutely insane.

**JF: **Sanity is OVERRATED!!!!

**FS: **Yeah, anyway…The question from Darkwrite: 'Do you have ADD or ADHD? Are you brainless? Why are you so emotionally unstable? What was it like to be brainwashed?'

**JF: **That's four questions.

**FS: **_(glares) _Your point?

**JF: **_(looking away with a smug expression) _Oh…nothing.

**FS: **_(Rolling her eyes) _Whatever…anyway, Jet?

**Jet: **_(spitting out foam) _Uh… _(eyes JF nervously) _I…what are ADD and ADHD?

**JF: **Attention Defense Disorder and Attention Defense HYPERACTIVE Disorder.

**FS: **It's not 'Defense.' It's 'Deficit.'

**JF: **_(sarcastically) _It matters!

**FS: **Well, Jet? There you go. Now answer the questions please.

**Jet: **Uh…okay. Number one…I don't think so…I still don't quite understand what 'deficit' means. Or disorder. Number two…I'm fairly sure I have a brain…I think. Number three…_(explodes) _I am _NOT_ EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE! THE FIRE NATION TOOK MY HOME AND KILLED MY PARENTS AND MY FAMILY AND MY FRIENDS AND MY…

**JF: **_(pulls out the knife) _My sane side is losing as of now!!

**Jet: **_(whimpers, and continues hesitantly) _Um…Number…what comes after three?

_(JF slaps her forehead and rolls her eyes with exasperation, Jet-haters laugh)_

**FS: **Four…

**Jet: **Oh yeah…_(slightly angry) _I knew that! Number four…I can't remember being brainwashed. All I remember…is when I _was _supposedly brainwashed, I couldn't remember there was a war, or even that my parents had been killed…and when Aang and all of them told me I didn't believe them…I couldn't even _remember_ where I had met them…I knew them, but I couldn't remember… _(breaks down)_

**JF: **Yeah, yeah, sob sob sob. We're done with you now. Let's get rid of him. _(she struggled to keep her hands at her sides, away from the knife)_

**FS: **Aww, JFreak, don't be so awful! Scotty!

_(The man appears)_

**FS: **Can you take him somewhere and get him cleaned up…and then perform the usual memory wipe procedure, and send him back home?

_(Scotty nods briskly and drags Jet and his chair from the stage, and a clean-up crew washes the rest of the extinguisher foam off of the floor with a fire-hose)_

**FS: **He'll be okay, he'll forget this ever happened. Soon he'll be back among his friends in the Avatar World. _(smiles)_

**JF: **_(snorts contemptuously) _You mean 'dead' in the show? Mike and Brian left us to infer whether he met his demise or not! What cruelty!

**FS: **That's what a good show does, JFreak. It keeps you guessing, hanging on every moment, hoping…

**JF: **_(cuts her off) _Whatever. This show's done. I'm going to take a shower to rid myself of this evil feeling.

**FS: **_(crossing her arms) _Good, you need it.

**JF: **Don't make me take out my evil side on you, because I can and I _will. (grips knife)_

**FS: **_(Inches away) _That's okay…go take your shower, I won't get in the way.

_(JF grumbles and stalks offstage)_

**Bob The Cameraman: **_(from his place behind the camera) _What's up with her?

**FS: **_(shrugging toward Bob) _I guess it's that time of the month. Cut and let's clean up a little, crew. See ya next time, guys!

_Bleep._


	3. One who is Composed in Character

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar or any of the characters in it. The answers from the characters in this fic are purely up for interpretation, as they are just my suspicions for what will occur on the actual show.

* * *

**JF: **Yay! We're back!

**FS: **Next character up is…drum roll please! _(JF beats on the conference table with her palms) _Iroh!

_(The stately Iroh is led onstage, and presented another _cleaner _chair to sit on. He sits graciously and looks around him, smiling. The crowd screams)_

**Iroh: **_(waving to his rabid fans delightedly) _Lovely accommodations, young ones.

**JF: **_(standing up indignantly) _Who are you calling young!?

**Iroh: **_(chuckling) _Compared to me, you _are _young.

**JF: **_(shrugging) _Oh. Okay.

**FS: **Iroh, we have two questions for you, from two reviewers, and then you are free to go and do as you please.

**Iroh: **_(smiling) _Of course. As long as it has nothing to do with where I went after I escaped the Royal Prison. Mr. Mike and Brian have made me swear to never tell any of the fans until the adventure airs.

**JF & FS: **Oh…

**Iroh: **_(frowning sadly) _That was what you wanted to ask me, wasn't it?

_(JF & FS nod)_

**Iroh: **_(Thinking) _Well, I guess I can give you a hint…

_(JF & FS brighten, and audience cheers)_

**Iroh: **It has something to do with the Lotus Society…that is all I will…

**JF: **OMM! You're going to go with them, aren't you? And then you're going to hook up with Aang's group because Sokka got a lotus tile from Master Piandao! OMM! (**A/N: **I totally called it…!)

**Iroh: **_(closing eyes resignedly) _I'm sorry, but that is all I will say on the matter. To give you a plausible lead, of course, but no definite information whatsoever.

**FS:** Thank you very much, General Iroh.

**Iroh: **_(smiling) _Retired (Fugitive) General.

**JF: **_(still spazzing out) _OMM! OMM! OMM! OMM!

**FS: **Well…next question, or should I say questions…_(holds a piece of paper to her face)_

**JF: **_(obsessively) _Ugh! You're as blind as Toph reading that thing! Gimme! _(grabs the paper, and scans it. Her face brightens) _Next question from my most faithful, awesum-ola reviewer! Number1avatarfanatic! Whooo!

**FS: **_(Inches away) _Oh…kay. Are you going to read it, or… _(JF shoves her out of her chair)_

**JF: **I'M GETTING TO IT! _(breathing heavily)_

_(pause)_

**JF: **Okay! Questions…number 1: Who is your wife? _(glances at Iroh expectantly)_

**Iroh: **Ah…

**FS: **That's a really personal question…_(to Iroh) _you don't have to answer that if you don't want to.

**Iroh: **Oh, no, I couldn't disappoint all these wonderful people hanging on their seats.

_(There is a loud thud as someone falls forward out of their seat with a yelp of surprise)_

**Iroh: **Before long they may all need medical attention.

**FS: **_(shocked) _Point taken. Go on if you wish.

**Iroh: **_(nodding gratefully) _Of course. My wife…she passed on during childbirth, of my son Lu Ten. That…_(pauses shakily)_…is all I can really say on the matter.

**FS: **Of course, don't worry, sir. We won't pressure you any more.

**JF: **_(muttering) _Fun-zapper.

**FS: **_(glaring) _What was that?

**JF: **Sun-mapper!

**FS: **_(not in the least convinced) _That's what I thought you said.

**JF: **All right! Last question from number1avatarfanatic…! Why didn't you take out Azula when you had the chance?

**Iroh: **_(shaking his head sadly) _If there had been an opportunity, I assure you, I would have taken it by the throat. But I am sad to say I had to play my cards correctly for the benefit of my nephew, and therefore was given no true opportunity to humble my clever niece.

**JF: **You mean evil. E—VIL!

**FS: **_(rolling her eyes sarcastically) _Oh, JF, you're so kind!

**JF: **Why thank y…

**FS: **Oh my goodness…_(slaps a hand to her forehead)_

**JF: **What?

**FS: **_(shaking her head) _Never mind…_(rolling her eyes and turning to Iroh) _Thank you, Iroh, for the insightful answers to your questions…number1 and mramirez, if you are not satisfied with the General's answers, we will bring him back! Thanks again, Iroh!

**Iroh: **_(nodding and bowing politely) _My pleasure, young lady. Farewell.

**JF: **_(to FS) _You say 'thank you' far too often.

**FS: **Because it's _polite. _

**JF: **Aw, Monkeyfeathers to polite!

**FS: **Screw you, then, *bleep*!

**JF: **GASP!

**FS: **Screw you and your retarded 'gasps!'

**Iroh: **_(interrupting) _Thank you for your time. _(bows)_

**FS: **_(stands and bows back)_ Of course.

**JF: **_(rolls eyes) _Whatever. OMM! I LOVE YOU, IROH!

**FS: **_(singsong voice) _Bi-pol-ar!

_(Scotty escorts the Dragon of the West off the set)_

**JF: **OMM! OMM! OMM! OMM! OMM! OMM! OMM! OMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMM!

**FS: **That's getting old, JFreak. Stop it, will you?

**JF: **OMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMM!

**FS: **Okay…

**JF: **OMM! OMM! OMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMM!

**FS:** Wow…sounds like speed meditation. Ohm…ohm…

**JF: **OMM! OMM! OMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMM!

**FS: **_(giving up) _That's all for this time folks! Hope you join us next time!

**JF: **OMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMMOMM! MONKEY!

**FS: **Cut the camera!

_Bleep._


	4. Screaming Mob of Fangirls and Poking?

**A/N:** Thanks for so many reviews, guys! I'm swamped with over fifteen! (Yes, that's a lot for me, don't be jealous…:D) Well, at the request of Wishing Only Wounds The Heart, I have decided to put the remainder of the shows in story format instead of script format. I had many an internal war over this issue, but her request made up my mind. So…I will make it as clear as I can with the story format, and I hope you guys enjoy it!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar or any of the characters in it. The answers from the characters in this fic are purely up for interpretation, as they are just my suspicions for what will occur on the actual show.

* * *

"Hey guys! We're back!"

FallShort rolled her eyes. "You say that every time, JFreak."

JesusFreak glared at her indignantly. "You're point is…?"

"Never mind…just get on with the introduction," FallShort knew that there would be no use arguing with the obsessive, overacting, impulsive (must I go on?) girl, so she made a quick decision to leave it very much alone. Unfortunately, JesusFreak, being what she was, took it very much the wrong way, and made a quick decision for herself…to antagonize her older sister. In simpler terms, torture her terribly and inhumanely.

"What's _that _supposed to mean? Why do _I _have to do the intro all the time? Why can't you once it a while?"

FallShort closed her eyes, knowing what answering would mean…a long and prolonged argument, one that they didn't have time for. Nevertheless, she plowed forward with her 'matter-of-fact'—ness. "This is only the fourth show, and you haven't given me a chance to do the introductions. You always bull forward as soon as we're rolling."

"Oh yeah?" JesusFreak countered lamely. She was losing the argument before it really got kicked up and running, but she didn't care, and she pushed forward blindly.

"Yeah." FallShort pressed her advantage, knowing exactly what would be her little sister's reply.

"Oh YEAH?"

The corners of FallShort's mouths curled upward. She was playing right into the bait.

"Yeah!"

"Oh Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh _Yeah?_"

"Yeah!"

"OH YEAH?"

"Yeah!"

"OH YEAH?"

"YEAH!"

"**OH YEAH?**"

"YES."

"OH YE…wait, why'd you say yes?"

"Because I wanted to change up this dull conversation a bit. What were we talking about again? I forgot." Of course, this wasn't entirely true…okay, it was a straight-faced lie…through her teeth. She remembered exactly why they had begun arguing, but she knew her sister would have no idea. Sure enough…

"We were arguing?"

Rolling her eyes, FallShort decided to be sarcastic, despite the fact that it would be completely lost on JesusFreak. "No."

"Then why'd you ask?"

"Because we did."

"Wait…huh?"

"Well…" FallShort turned to the audience, satisfied that she had bashed and bested her sister and escaped without a scratch. "Now, on to the remainder of our interrupted show…"

"Wait…the camera's rolling? Monkey!"

FallShort slapped a palm to her forehead, took five deep breaths, and resolved to ignore JesusFreak completely for the remainder of the show. "Okay! Today, we have our reviewers in the audience! And they will be asking their questions from their places, forcing the characters to look at the audience, therefore making them even more uncomfortable!"

"Yes!" cried JesusFreak, finally tuning in to the present. "And today, we have Darkwrite…HI!...an anon named…Michelle…FireNutZuko…Heihachi-Katayama…and supercdogg95, who is our special guest! (Consider yourself lucky, I just barely was able to sneak you in past security, aka FallShort)…"

FallShort crosses her arms. "Why did you sneak supercdogg in? I would have let any reviewer come in! You make me seem so much more awful than I am!"

JesusFreak smiled inwardly, thinking, _If you'd seen supercdogg's review you would have banned her from this set… _But instead of saying it, she grinned and spoke to the camera. "Well, anyway, we have a character that we're going to bring in…we're going to have to hide their identity so he…I mean, _they, _won't be mauled by vicious fan girls…yeah…"

FallShort took over from her sister, eager to get started. "Yes! So, Scotty! Bring our newest character onstage!"

Scotty, the burly stage assistant slash dirty-worker-for-the-entertainment-of-good-readers appeared, dragging a teenage figure with an opaque bag tied over their head. The man plopped the figure, who was undoubtedly dressed in an outfit very much like a certain character…

"Okay, Scotty, lets give him some air, and…security, double your number of officers surrounding the fan girl section!"

Several more security guards joined the already large number around the fan girls' seats, who were beginning to get restless, knowing deep somewhere in their crazed minds what was coming.

JesusFreak leaned on her elbow on the conference table and let out a bored sigh. Scotty waited expectantly, and finally, JesusFreak rolled her eyes, and pulled out a pair of earplugs.

"What are _those _for?"

JesusFreak had already placed them in her ears, and she spoke louder than necessary to her sister beside her. "YOU'LL SEE…"

FallShort rolled her eyes and turned to Scotty, about to give the order, when she realized that their burly assistant also had earplugs in. And they were pink. "New fads these days…" she shook her head, and finally motioned toward the bagged figure.

"Let him go, Scotty."

The muscular employee untied the bag, and pulled it off with a flourish. He covered his already plugged ears. Beside FallShort, JesusFreak was doing the same. She glanced at them, annoyed. "What's wrong with y…"

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

FallShort was thrown off her chair and to the floor by the resulting sound wave that roared from the crowd. She was rendered deaf, blind, mute, and lame, all because of the rabid fan girl assault as they rose screaming from their chairs and rushed forward, jumping over seats, steps, and other rabid fan girls, pressing against the horrified, deaf security officials, who shouted back at them uselessly and pulled out their self-defense pistols.

The fan girls were indeed rabid, and there was much kicking and screaming and shouting that often ended in bloody catfights. Someone must have called 9-1-1, because before long ambulance nurses, policemen, and firemen soon were swarming among the disoriented crowd, carrying off the injured and the fatally wounded, several of whose bodies were completely torn apart in a gruesome, terrifying picture.

JesusFreak watched the carnage before her patiently, as her sister writhed in agony on the floor behind the table, and she nodded slowly to Scotty, and he inclined his head and left the stage, unnoticed, while the character, frozen in place, stared at the crowd, not even blinking his golden eyes, the scarred left half of his face gleaming nastily under the stage lights.

Yes, for those of you that are dense enough to not have figured it out by now, the character is Zuko.

Finally, after the medics had carried away nearly half of the audience, as well as the completely out-of-it FallShort, JesusFreak smiled and spoke brightly to what was left of the horrified crowd.

"Well, that went well."

Zuko, suddenly realizing that another human being that was neither dying nor dead was sitting in relative close proximity to him (approximately five feet) turned his head abruptly and stared at the host as if she was an alien that had dropped out of the sky and into his lap.

"I hope you're happy," JesusFreak stated, fully intending to force a guilt trip on him. "Because of you several innocent…wait, never mind, rabid fan girls are _not _innocent…are dead! Not to mention my sister and co-host is in the ICU because of severe damage to her eardrums and possibly her brain…wait, actually, I'm pretty sure the brain damage already existed…"

A look of puzzlement crossed the prince's face. "Because of _me_?"

"No, because of the dead fly in the corner! _Yes, _because of you!"

Zuko seemed to regain some of his usual thin layer of composure, and he glared at her from under his long ebony bangs. _Hmm… _JesusFreak thought, _If I was an obsessive fan girl right now I believe I would be freaking out… _imitating a fan girl with the safety of her personal thoughts, she imagined herself as a crazed Zuko-lover. _OMG, like, totally, like, Zuko's like, totally awesome, like, totally! He's like totally smexy! Smexy is like totally the stupidest word ever! Heehee heeheehee…oh please. _She rolled her eyes as he glared at her, and spoke out loud.

"Is your face hurting? 'Cause its really killing me."

A surviving Zuko fangirl in the audience stood up and cupped her hands around her mouth and screamed at JesusFreak, "CLICHÉ ALERT! CLICHÉ ALERT! BRING IN THE TROOPS! OMG ZUKO I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE SO SMEXY!"

"Security!" JesusFreak waved her hand, smiling to herself about how accurate her mental imitation had been, and four of the luckier (as in, not yet mauled by the crowd of rabid fan girls) guards rushed to restrain the girl who was now sprinting down the isle, trying to get to the set. More and more guards joined them and dragged her, kicking and screaming, out of the studio.

"So…" JesusFreak turned suddenly to the very confused and embarrassed Zuko. "We have some questions for you…yadda yadda…if you answer them…yadda yadda…we'll let you go eventually…yadda yadda…hopefully you won't get eaten by fan girls on your way out…yadda yadda yadda…okay! First questions, from Darkwrite! Come on everybody! Clap! CLAP I TELL YOU!"

The audience broke into instantaneous applause, afraid of what JesusFreak would do if they didn't. Darkwrite stood up with a flourish, and he yelled out his questions.

"Zuko! Number 1, what was up with your hair the first two seasons?"

The prince frowned. "Uh…my hair?" He reached up to touch his said hair.

JesusFreak rolled her eyes. "_No_, your butt crack. Just answer the question before I hurt you!"

Zuko blinked. "Okay…well, on my ship, I just…had it that way. After my father…well, you know, most of the hair I had was burned off. So I just, kept it that way."

Darkwrite nodded thoughtfully, and then bellowed out his next question. "Okay! Number 2! Why are you so emotionally unstable? Are you so naïve that you actually believe what your father is telling you?"

The Fire Nation Prince frowned. "I'm not emotionally…"

"Yes, you are, and we all know it! Besides," JesusFreak interrupted, "A lot of people like you for no apparent reason other than your…ugh, must I say it? _Smexy_. But I'm sorry to say your _not. _You 'spice' up the story, and that's why some people like you. You add some of the random idiocy and poor judgment skills that grace the show. So, answer the question."

"Well," Zuko began, "If you know so much about me, you should be able to answer that question yourself. I was despised, burned, and disowned by my own father, and banished as a young teenager for speaking out of turn and refusing to fight! You'd think that'd naturally come with a few anger management issues and a terrible feeling of being completely lost in the world!"

JesusFreak nodded thoughtfully, tapping a finger against her chin. "Good point. Satisfied, Darkwrite?"

The fanfic author nodded.

JesusFreak clapped. "Great then! Fire at will!"

Darkwrite opened his mouth again to yell out his last question. "Why are you so mean to your Uncle?"

Zuko blinked, and his face adopted something that JesusFreak was surprised she would see. Shame. "I…well, I was wrong. I, never really realized how often my uncle was there for me, I guess…"

"Until it was too late and you had already betrayed him for your worm of a sister. Sometimes it's hard to believe you're related to your egotistical maniac of a father and Azula. Am I right?"

Some of the audience nodded their heads in agreement. Others had their brows furrowed in disapproval. JesusFreak rolled her eyes at their lack of enthusiasm. "Well…" she continued, "Now that our studio audience have all fallen asleep, I guess it's time for the next reviewer. Thanks, Darkwrite!"

The fanfic author inclined his head before sitting down, and JesusFreak continued. "Okay! Next up, HeiHachi-Katayama! Still don't get your name…but okay…"

The reviewer stood up excitedly. "I've only got one question for you, Zuko! Why are you the blue spirit? Why not the red spirit or the purple spirit?"

"Okay…" JesusFreak laughed. "Nice question. Answer it, Zuko!"

The prince nodded, ignoring the host's demanding tone. "Well, I didn't start calling myself the blue spirit…the people I, uh…_borrowed _from did. And I guess they called me it…cause my mask was…blue."

"Oh," Hachi nodded. "That makes sense! Thanks!"

"Great…a genius…" JesusFreak nodded to Hachi. "Thanks! Next reviewer up…a random anon named Michelle!"

Michelle, near the middle of the crowd, stood up excitedly, and held up a piece of paper, which she read off of. "I've got two questions!" she almost shouted, "Number one! Zuko, would you say you like Katara?"

Zuko blinked. "Who's…oh, wait! That waterbender girl? Yeah, she's an okay, person…when she's not threatening to kill her mortal enemies…"

JesusFreak rolled her eyes. He completely missed the point. She was about to very bluntly point out the fact when Michelle beat her to the punch. "No, you dork! Do you _like _like her?"

Yet again, Zuko blinked. Suddenly his face twisted into a strange expression. He looked as if he was about to barf.

"Well, that answers that!" JesusFreak interrupted, tossing Zuko a plastic bag to upchuck in if the urge came upon him again. "Next question!" Zutarians in the crowd were in an uproar, however, and it drowned out Michelle's words. There were shouts of, "He didn't say _no!_" and "That settles it! Zutara is gonna happen!"

The resulting protests from the Kataangers side was even more ear-splitting. Yells of, "You guys are demented!" and "Throwing up is _not _a symbol of undying love, last time I checked!"

After the noise quieted down, a random guy from the Kataangers section broke out with, "You have no grounds to make that assumption! The evidence provided in the Avatar show strictly shows the attraction between not Katara and _Zuko, _but a child actually four years younger than the scarred Fire Nation prince, with the powers of an Avatar! You see, my argument is based on actual…"

By this time, nearly everyone was forced into a boredom-induced coma. Even Zuko was snoring soundly in his chair. Only JesusFreak was conscious enough to scream back at the guy, "Shut UP! Are you some sort of criminal justice lawyer? Start talking less like a teacher and more like a crazed Avatar fanatic, or I'll have you thrown out of here!"

Though she had no security guards alert enough to perform the task, the bluff worked, and the lawyer-in-the-making quieted down, and everyone began waking up again.

"Okay Michelle!" JesusFreak bellowed at the groggy reviewer, state your final question, so we can be on to my favorite part of this show!"

The girl hopped up sleepily and read her last question. "Zuko…do you hope to see your mom again?"

The antagonist-turned-good-guy jolted awake. "Well, uh, huh…yeah…"

"There we have it!" JesusFreak cut him off, not even bothering to dismiss the anon reviewer. "Now to my favorite part…how lucky for me that FallShort was injured…I guess I won't be needing these!" She pulled a thick rope that had been acting as a hidden belt beneath her long shirt, and tossed it off the stage. The rope was quickly followed by several frightening items: a loaded pistol, a steak-knife, a piece of cloth that was probably intended as a gag or blindfold, and remote to a television.

Zuko looked at her in surprise. "What's that for?"

"Oh," JesusFreak grinned deviously. "The remote was to a flat screen television…in other words, torture and death by educational TV."

The audience gasped in utter horror and sat there in stunned silence, terrified that the host would go to such lengths to keep her sister stashed away…

"ANY-way…supercdogg! Come on down!" JesusFreak waved her arm and the reader slash reviewer appeared from amidst the large crowd, making way down toward the stage, and there were murmurs of confusion and unrest.

What was supercdogg going to do?

The reviewer smiled slyly, and JesusFreak grinned back. Zuko blinked…fearfully.

Supercdogg reached out an arm toward Zuko, slowly, slowly, and he shrank back in his chair, afraid. The crowd held their breaths…slowly…

"_POKE!_"

The reviewer laughed insanely, and JesusFreak watched with a smug and satisfied grin as Zuko got viciously…poked?

"_POKE!_" Supercdogg shouted again.

"POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE!"

The reviewer was having so much fun just poking the stricken evil-prince-turned-hero. And JesusFreak was just having so much fun watching the expression of the prince and his 'attacker.'

"POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE!"

Each time the prince winced as his arm was cruelly…poked…made JesusFreak want to laugh and cry all at the same time. How was she letting this abuse go on in the middle of the show _on her set?_ Yet she had agreed to it, and now guiltily, she felt immensely…well, she couldn't really describe it, but it wasn't upset…she laughed maniacally…no, it definitely wasn't that…

"That's all for today, folks!" JesusFreak turns to the camera. "But now that I've unleashed a poking monster, it's my job to save poor Zuko before he dies…which I'm sure that bruise forming on his arm will kill him before long…and we'll have to say goodbye now, cause I don't want to make a fool of myself on the air!" She smiles, falsely, knowing that the only reason she wants the camera off is so she can join supercdogg in the satisfaction of poking Zuko nearly to death before they mind wipe him and send him back to the Western Air Temple with the gang…

_Bleep._

* * *

**A/N:** So, what do you think? Was the story format hard to follow? Was I too harsh on Zuko? Did I portray Zuko's character as too much of a weakling…? If you agree…or disagree…with any of this, a point in a helpful direction would be much appreciated! In other words, review! Thx so much!


	5. Employment: Take it or leave it

**A/N:** Hey guys, yet again!

For Michelle, if you haven't figured out already: An 'anon' means an anonymous reviewer, when you submit your review, it shows up for me like this:

Michelle

2008-03-18

Ch. 4, anon (or if you're registered, it shows a little message box that u can click on to reply to the review)

Here we go!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar or any of the characters in it. The answers from the characters in this fic are purely up for interpretation, as they are just my suspicions for what will occur on the actual show.

* * *

JesusFreak and FallShort sat at the conference table. The camera was rolling, and FallShort held a mysterious looking ice-pack to her head.

"Hi, everybody! We're finally back! After a trip to the ICU for FallShort, caused by rabid Zuko fan girls in our last show…"

"Which _you _didn't bother to bleeping warn me about!!"

JesusFreak grinned. "Aw, then you would have missed all the fun in the ICU!"

"Along with all those other physco _freaks _in there? Did you know what they freakin' _named_ me? On my label card they called me 'Rabid Zuko Fan Girl #482!! Can you bleeping believe _that??_ I'm _not a rabid Zuko fan girl!!_"

JesusFreak smirked. "Sure you aren't…" The audience snickered, and FallShort hissed through her teeth insanely, as if she was trying to hold back a torrent of curse words and profane language from gracing the ears of the T-rated crowd watching the show.

"Well…" JesusFreak turned toward the camera, ignoring her sister's injured pride for the moment as she addressed the viewers. "Today, we have two guests, one is currently being persuaded backstage to comply with our wishes…and the other is freaking out in the holding cell we have converted the back room into."

"Today," FallShort continued for her sister, "We have only two of our reviewers in the audience…Kaliya and supercdogg95!" She paused as supercdogg jumped up with an excited wave. She pointed a finger at the reviewer angrily. "If you come _one step_ closer to this stage or the characters, I will personally pick you up and throw you out the window!" Supercdogg frowned in defeat and sat back down.

JesusFreak decided it was time to intervene with her sister's ranting. "Okay, FallShort, time to bring in our new employee! Everyone…Toph Bei Fong!!"

Scotty escorted the blind earthbender onto the stage, not to sit in the character's chair, but to stand beside JesusFreak on the left side of the large conference table. Scotty kept quite a hold on her, though she didn't struggle.

The audience was in an uproar, and several shouts of "Whooo!! I love you, Toph!" and "You rock this metal building! Get it? Rock this metal?" and "Blind Bandit!!" were heard from the not-quite-as-rabid-as-the-rabid-Zuko-fan-girls Rabid Toph Fans.

"Uh…Scotty?" FallShort began, "You can let go of her, now."

The burly assistant shook his head, his mouth clamped firmly shut.

JesusFreak and her sister exchanged puzzled glances, but Toph interrupted their confused thoughts. "He won't let go of me, because I told him that if he did I would beat you two to a pulp with my bare hands."

The audience laughed, and FallShort turned a fierce glare upon them. "You wouldn't be laughing if you knew how _dangerous_ fans can be!"

JesusFreak rolled her eyes and turned to Toph. "So have you accepted our request?"

"To be a lie detector?" Toph gave a dry laugh. "Why should I work for you two idiots?"

"Because we got a request for you! Hey Kaliya!" JesusFreak turned to the audience, and the particular non-reviewer stood up. JesusFreak smiled up at her. "Can you come down here, please?"

The reviewer shrugged, but looked a little frightened as she made her way from her seat, down the steps up to the stage. "Uh…I don't have to poke her, do I?"

FallShort gave a harsh, short laugh. "No, you don't."

"Anyway, she'd probably beat you to a pulp!" JesusFreak added cheerily as her sister glared daggers at her. "Today," JesusFreak continued, ignorant of FallShort's radiating hatred, "We couldn't get _all_ the reviewers to come to the show today…one of them got killed during Zuko's, uh, _visit. _So now everyone else is too terrified to come. Except you and superc. So, today, you can ask all the questions and be a lie detector…and next show, the job will be passed on to Toph. What do you say?"

Kaliya blinked. "I can't be a lie detector, I…"

"Just do your best," JesusFreak grabbed her arm and yanked her back to where Scotty and Toph stood, and handed her a large jar full of rewritten reviews. Then the host returned to her seat, while the nervous reviewer stood beside an angry earthbender and a man at least twice her size.

FallShort waved her hand, and Scotty gave a small nod and took the earthbender by the arm and sat and tied her securely in the 'character chair.' Then he departed.

JesusFreak sat in her chair and set her elbows on the conference table and rested her chin on her hands. She stared at the reviewer expectantly. "Okay, Kaliya, you may begin."

The girl nodded slightly, gulping. She reached into the jar, ruffled around a bit, and pulled out the first review, which she read hesitantly out loud. "This is from the anon Michelle…Toph, do you like Sokka?"

JesusFreak grinned. "Way to get to the point!"

FallShort rolled her eyes. She was annoyed, as always.

Toph stared blankly ahead, seemingly deaf to what was going on around her.

Kaliya blinked, and leaned forward. "Uh…Toph?"

The earthbender blinked emotionlessly. "I'm refusing to answer that _ridiculous_ question."

JesusFreak stood up, placing her hands on the conference table. "_AHA! _So you _do _like him!" she paused. "Aren't you worried about what this mob will do to you if you refuse?" She gestured wildly toward the Tokka section of the audience, who were staring unblinkingly at the blind girl on the stage.

Toph closed her eyes. "Nope. Don't care. This stage is metal."

JesusFreak opened her mouth to retort, but FallShort interrupted her. "If she doesn't want to answer, don't _make _her!"

JesusFreak stared openly at her sister. "Don't you remember the _entire point _of this show? We promised the audience to kidnap the characters and _force _them to answer our ridiculous and probing questions!! Not to be an 'oh, you don't have to answer if you don't want to' wimp show!!"

The audience roared in agreement of her words, and the Tokka section stood to their feet and shouted as a whole, '_Answer it_, Toph!'

The entire congregation stared expectantly at the earthbender. The silence was oppressive, and for several minutes, under the fizzling stage lights, Toph sat.

Finally, Toph cracked. She inhaled sharply, and glared in the direction of the conference table. "Fine. I'll answer. No."

After the initial moment of 'oh, she's talking' passed, the Tokkians processed through their minds that her answer had _not _been to their liking.

"She's _lying!!_" someone shouted.

The Tokka section erupted into a squabbling pit of noisy shippers, and FallShort randomly pulled a megaphone out from under the conference table and yelled at them with it.

"IF THIS ROOM IS NOT SILENT IN FIVE SECONDS WE ARE GOING TO CANCEL THIS SHOW AND ANY THAT MAY HAVE COME AFTER IT! ONE…"

The rest of the audience hissed at the Tokkians to be quiet, and the rabid shippers took the threat seriously and clamped their jaws shut and sat on their hands, exchanging nervous glances with each other.

JesusFreak chuckled nervously. "_That _worked, for once."

"BE QUIET OR I'LL HAVE YOU REMOVED FROM THIS SET!"

JesusFreak rolled her eyes. "I'm the _writer. _You can throw me off the set! Or I'll go on a writer's strike!"

The audience, forgetting the previous threat, suddenly erupted into a screaming, angry mob. The sound wave knocked JesusFreak out of her chair and onto the floor. Her sister was similarly affected, and Kaliya panicked as the tied Toph's chair began to tip backwards, and she rushed to push it back up.

JesusFreak groped around until she was able to pull herself back up. "Whoa," she said dazedly, putting a hand to her head to settle the spinning room. "I wish the acoustics in here weren't so good…"

FallShort grimaced. "Apparently no writer's strike for you or you'll end up like Rabid Zuko Fan Girl #481." She shuddered. When her sister looked up at her, expecting her to continue her story, FallShort shook her head and said simply, "You don't want to know."

JesusFreak shrugged and turned brightly back to the audience. "Oh…kay, then. We'll have to get on to the next question…before Rabid Zuko Fan Girl #481 comes back from the dead to haunt us all!! OOooooooo…"

The audience blinked. JesusFreak could almost imagine crickets chirping in the back.

FallShort rolled her eyes yet again and crossed her arms as she addressed Kaliya, who was now waiting expectantly for the order to be given.

"All right, next question."

The reviewer nodded and reached her hand into the jar. "This one," she began, "Is from FireNutZuko. 'To Toph: How's metalbending going for ya?'"

"I'm glad you asked," Toph replied immediately. "It is currently not going well, considering I am TIED TO A CHAIR!" The last few words she spat out with venomous calm.

JesusFreak nodded thoughtfully, and decided to bombard her favorite character with mind-sloshing logic. "Well, Toph, as you have already displayed with your threat to Scotty, if you were to be set free you would be on us in a millisecond, considering, as you pointed out, this stage is in fact made of metal, and you would crush us to pieces and spill our guts and brains out, and quiet possibly break all of our bones, as well as ripping all our muscles to shreds, and also…"

"All right, JF, she gets the picture! No need to go into the spine-chilling details!"

"Oh yeah, our spines! And you'll grind our spines to dust like…"

FallShort, thoroughly annoyed with her sister's retarded rambling, smacked her over the head with the megaphone. JesusFreak collapsed to the floor, tumbling out of her chair, unconscious.

"Well. Now that that's finished," FallShort went on, "Next question, Kaliya."

The reviewer nodded, and pulled the last question out of the jar. "This is from…JesusFreak." Her eyebrow rose.

FallShort's lips twitched, and her eyes glowed with curiosity. "Well, she's kind of out of it, so why don't you read it for her?"

Kaliya shrugged. "Okay. From JesusFreak: Hey Toph! You're the most awesome—" Kaliya paused, and almost rolled her eyes, "—ola character ever. You seriously need to get your own show. Metalbending rocks the monkey…uh…ing house. If I were a bender I'd want to be like you and kick everybody's bleep…oh my gosh…"

The audience's mouth dropped open when they heard the word, which was bleeped out on camera, but was read loud and clear from Kaliya's mouth. FallShort was likewise horrified, and glanced over at the unconscious host. "Oh…my…gosh…" the entire audience mouthed the three words with her, and the reviewer Kaliya stood there with a sheepish frown on her face, ashamed that she had even uttered such foul language in front of nearly a hundred in the studio audience and countless others from their TVs at home, even if it wasn't her own words.

"Whelp…" Toph said loudly. "Since that word which I don't know apparently shocks everyone to silence, can I say something?"

FallShort turned her attention to the earthbender. "Well, I guess so…"

Toph grinned deviously. "Thanks. You guys are complete and utter bleeps!!"

The second host of the day passed out and crumpled to the floor, most of the audience along with her, falling out of their chairs and slumping lifelessly against other people.

The only one conscious left, at the time, was Kaliya, and she cautiously stepped up toward Toph. "That wasn't very nice."

The earthbender shrugged. "I have no idea what the word means, but if it can have that effect on people, I should do it more often! Maybe it'll put Sugar Queen to sleep, and I'll get some peace and quiet from all her nagging!"

Kaliya nodded thoughtfully. "That's a pretty good idea, actually. I think I'll try it on one of my annoying friends…but wait, shouldn't we end the show first?"

Toph shrugged again. "I don't care, do whatever."

Kaliya turned to the camera. "Okay, that's all for today, guys, since all the audience, both of our hosts, and the cameraman are all in comas…I guess it's up to me to turn off the camera. See ya later!" She walks toward the camera, her face and neck taking up the entire frame, and reaches toward a big red button that says 'Power.'

_Bleep._


	6. What is up with my HAIR?

**A/N:** Hey guys! Yay, this episode's finally finished! Phew, it took me nearly all day to write it…in between spurts of biology research on the web…heheh…yeah, I have an enormous amount of homework. I think my school wanted to kill us all only a week after spring break, whip us back into shape…well, that's not going to happen. I had two weeks to do this project…not including Spring Break. I'm not usually big on procrastinating, but, well, I had a teenage moment…a moment that lasted for several, SEVERAL days. So, anyway, enough boring stuff! Time for the entertainment!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. God owns all!

* * *

JesusFreak and FallShort sat side-by-side at the conference table, scuffling every now and again with each other over the possession of an ice-pack to ease their throbbing heads. Toph, tied tightly but not cruelly to a post with thick, braided rope, a little to their left, her entire upper body and her thighs immobile, looking glum.

Just after a quite prolonged and vicious tussle, in which JesusFreak ended up victorious, the two sisters realized they were on the air. A couple of murderous glares met the cameraman.

"Johnny!" FallShort spat, thoroughly upset already for having lost the wrestling match with a sister younger and smaller than she was, and looking for an avenue to vent.

"Ah, FS, just let him be. We're on now so we might as well act civilized."

From the post, Toph gave a short, harsh, barking laugh.

FallShort turned her glare upon the blind earthbender. "What's your problem? Got a hot-dog in your throat?"

JesusFreak clapped a hand to her aching forehead and winced. "Please, not that retarded saying again! I thought you'd grown out of that!"

FallShort turned her eyes, which looked like chips of Antarctic ice, upon her unfortunate sister. "I HAVE! YOU WERE _CHOKING_ ON A HOT-DOG, SO WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

JesusFreak made a gesture that meant, 'lower your monkeying voice, woman, before you break my skull.' Then she said aloud, "Well, I supposed you could have maybe…hmm…_helped _me? Like, the Heimlich maneuver, or at least slamming my back? Oh, wait, I guess that particular action is beyond your comprehension in spur of the moment events. Well, I better never fall off a house when only you're around, I might die of injuries and internal bleeding after five hours, because you were so dumbstruck you could only stare!"

FallShort snorted. "Like you would be stupid enough to fall off a house!"

JesusFreak gaped at her. "Girl, you've lived with me for…my _ENTIRE _life, and you don't know me _at all_! I would _jump purposely _off a house if it presented an opportunity for fun! That bump on your head caused by the Zuko fan girls and Toph's cuss out session yesterday must have really messed with what was left of your brain beforehand!"

The older host grimaced. "I don't have to stand up to this! I'm in college now, I don't have to take a little high-schooler's orders!"

"No, you don't," JesusFreak said agreeably. "But you have to sit your butt down!"

"No! I _won't!_"

JesusFreak shrugged. "Fine with me. Hey Scotty!" she leaned her head to the side and looked past her sister. "Could you get Zuko from the back cell, please?"

There was a ripple of apprehension through the crowd, and FallShort's eyes widened in horror. "You are a manipulative little rat," she said, and sat.

JesusFreak grinned. "I'll take that as a compliment. NOW!" she turned to the audience and smiled brightly. "Our next guest…"

"Of sorts…" Toph mumbled darkly from her post.

"Yes…anyway," JesusFreak went on, brushing past Toph's remark with little interest. "Our next 'prisoner' is the extremely-famous, utterly-handsome, wonderfully-awesum-ola, his-hair-was-and-will-ever-be-adorable, master of the four elements (at-least-for-most-of-the-time), great friend and…"

"Will you _just_ get on with it?" FallShort interrupted irritably, "We all know you love Aang, now just say his name!"

"You just did!" JesusFreak frowned angrily. "You ruined the entire suspenseful surprise!"

"Yeah, master of the four elements at-least-for-most-of-the-time, real mysterious!"

"If I didn't actually not ever cuss, I would curse to high heaven right now for you ruining my suspenseful finale!"

"Didn't-actually-not-ever? That's like, a triple negative!"

"Monkey to your grammatical correctness!"

"Correctness isn't a word!"

"Yes it is, spellcheck says so!"

"It's Spell _and_ Check! Two words, for crying out tears! Why does everyone put it as a single word? It's _two, _I tell you!"

"How do you spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?"

"What the--? How am _I_ supposed to know?"

"Good monkey, you're in college! You _should_ know that sort of stuff!"

_Cough cough cough gag cough._

JesusFreak and FallShort glance from their quarreling over to Toph.

"Need a drink of water again?" FallShort asked.

JesusFreak punched her in the gut in an outburst of rage and she fell over. "NO, moron! She's doin' that so we'll shut up and get on with the show!"

FallShort is gasping for breath on the ground, so the slightly violent, slightly angry…okay, _very _violent and _very _angry JesusFreak leads off. "So…today, as you probably figured out from my sister's retarded slip-up, next up is Aang! Scotty, bring him in!"

Their burly assistant dragged in a very out-of-it Aang, and plopped him in the chair and tied him up carefully.

JesusFreak frowned when the young Avatar slumped forward drunkenly. She glanced up at Scotty. "What did you do to him?" Meanwhile, FallShort finally regained enough breath to pull herself back into her chair, where she sat dejectedly.

Scotty held up a hypothermic needle.

JesusFreak's eyes widened. "You gave him _heroin?_"

It was FallShort's turn, and she took the opportunity to kick JesusFreak in the shin. The girl sat down with an 'Ow!'

"No, you idiot," FallShort moaned, still slightly woozy. "It's a sleeping drug. It probably calmed him down enough so they wouldn't have to be fighting decapitating air blasts backstage. Avatars can be vicious when threatened, ya' know."

"Oh," JesusFreak mouthed.

FallShort shook her head in disbelief. "_Heroin?_ What have you been drinking? Do we need to drug test _you_?"

"NO!" JesusFreak shouted, terrified. "NOT the cup! Anything but the cup! Aahh!" She huddled in a fetal position in her chair.

"All you have to do is pee in…"

"NO! Oh the HORROR! Oh the _HORROR_!"

JesusFreak whimpers in between sobs, and FallShort rolls her eyes.

The hostess' frightened outburst roused Aang somewhat from his oblivion, and he glanced groggily toward the two girls, and then out toward the camera and the audience.

"Wher' am ah?"

Toph answered him from her post. "Welcome to the Land of the Completely Insane Retards that lost it the Moment they were Conceived, Twinkletoes."

"Oh…do they 'ave custard tarts 'ere?"

Toph rolled her eyes, muttering, "Yeah, you're out of it."

Scotty, who had been standing, regarding JesusFreak and FallShort with an unreadable expression, nodded in agreement to Toph's remark, turned, and trudged offstage.

"Anyway…" FallShort began, unaware of the unspoken conversation between Toph and Scotty. "I have the review jar here…"

"_Oh the horror…the cup! Oh the horror…_"

FallShort ignored her sister, "The review jar…which holds several questions in it for our little druggie friend, Aang."

The airbender suddenly sat bolt upright, as if just awakening to find a snake in his bed. "What…where am I?"

Toph huffed. "I already went through that, Twinkletoes…"

"Toph!" The young avatar turned his head at the sound of the earthbender's voice. "Why are you here? Where is this? How are those lanterns above us so bright? They're blinding me!"

"Join the club," FallShort mumbled.

Aang turned his attention to the hostess. "Who are _you?_ Why have you captured Toph and me? Where's Katara and Sokka? And Appa and Zuko? And Momo?"

JesusFreak blinked, suddenly out of her fright, and sat up, looking straight at Aang curiously. "I find it funny that you mentioned Zuko's name in correspondence to a huge, fluffy, flying monster, instead of alone, and saying 'Appa and Momo.'"

Aang thought about it for a moment. "Oh. I didn't realize I did that. How ab…wait, why does it even matter?"

JesusFreak smiled. "It doesn't. I just thought it was funny."

Crickets. A hundred or so blankly staring eyes. JesusFreak fidgeted.

"Okay, okay! Whatever! Let's get on with the show! Just STOP staring at me! Well, I know I'm pretty nice to look at, but…"

FallShort interrupted, her voice with a slightly annoyed hint in the tone. "MOVING ON! Okay, Aang, in here I have a few questions for you…ready?"

"I'm not telling you anything!" Aang resolved.

Toph intervened before either of the hostesses could. "It's not anything that endangers our mission, Aang, their just going to probe the inside of your mind with a knife, searching for your deepest, darkest, most innermost thoughts about life. Nothing crucial."

The airbender glanced at her, and in an unusual show of sarcasm, he muttered bitterly, "Oh yeah, Toph, that's reassuring, thanks."

"My pleasure," Toph responded sardonically.

"First question, Aang!" FallShort reached into the jar that had been sitting quietly and unnoticed on the conference desk the entire episode. She dramatically pulled out a piece of paper. "Ah! Okay, first up's Kumai290, asking: Aang, will you please grow your hair back? It was…" FallShort cringed and stuck out her tongue in a gesture of disgust. "…shmexy."

JesusFreak groaned.

"My hair?" Aang began slowly. "Well, I only needed it to travel through the Fire Nation unnoticed…and even then, it was HOT under all of that!"

Toph sniggered.

The airbender glared at her, suddenly realizing what he said. "Not _THAT _way! Monkeyfeathers, people nowadays take things all wrong! You can't say 'balls' without someone…"

The crowd erupted into laughter.

Aang moaned. "See what I mean?"

"Sorry, Twinkletoes," the metalbender laughed, "I couldn't help myself. I've really gotten used to this universe's lingo in the past day, and let me tell you, it ain't pretty!"

The airbender's eyebrow rose. "Ain't?"

JesusFreak and FallShort exchanged glances and abruptly launched into an obnoxiously loud chant.

"'AIN'T' AIN'T A WORD AND I AIN'T GONNA SAY IT!" They laughed.

Aang turned his gaze upon them. "Toph, you're right," he said softly, "I'm more scared of these guys than I am of facing the Fire Lord!"

"You should be…" FallShort murmured mysteriously. JesusFreak laughed.

"Okay!" JesusFreak grabbed the paper from her sister's hand and read the next question aloud. "Aang…this is also from Kumai…as well as the next two after that…what is your favorite element to bend, besides air?"

The airbender answered without hesitation. "Water."

Toph snorted indignantly. "Ha! Earth can bash water any day!"

"And make mud!" Aang retorted. "I like earthbending, Toph, it just comes harder for me. And then…well, fire hasn't given me the best of experiences…"

The Kataangers in the crowd 'ooh'ed. They all were thinking the same thing.

"Whatever, Twinkletoes," Toph replied indifferently. "You always were a softie…"

Aang tried to ignore her insult, and FallShort made it easier by snatching the paper from JesusFreak's hand and reading the next question. "Aang, why did you go all emo in the Awakening? Seriously, you were like another Zuko (which is so weird."

The airbender glanced at JesusFreak. "What's _emo_?"

"Ah…well," the hostess began, wondering how she could explain it. "Well, it's kinda like…huh…well, it's mostly…"

FallShort interrupted her. "It used to be simply short for 'emotional,' but now has developed into an entire stereotype, usually characterized as people who are or just act depressed, wear their hair a certain way that hangs over their eyes, and countless other things. It also can be justified as in alignment with 'goth.'"

"Goth?" Aang asked.

"Gothic people." JesusFreak answered.

Aang's brow furrowed into a frown. He still didn't get it.

JesusFreak sighed. "Like Mai."

"Ooooooooooooooohh!" Aang brightened, having an, as FallShort calls it, 'oh' moment. "The knife-throwing girl who's always bored!"

"Yeah…now answer the question!" JesusFreak was getting impatient. It was way past lunch time and she hadn't eaten, and…naturally, she was hungry. Hungry + Impatience Not Happy.

"Oh, well," Aang began, "I wasn't trying to be…emo. I was just upset because I had wasted weeks of potential training practice unconscious and injured, and now I was waking up to a world that I couldn't even show my face in without someone trying to kill me, and I was frustrated that I could do nothing about it."

FallShort nodded. "Insightful answer."

Aang smiled. "Thanks."

JesusFreak scowled. "Enough of the sappy stuff, next question!" She tore the paper out of her sister's grasp for the second time and scanned the last question. Then she held it up. "This is the most retarded question ever! I'm _sick and tired_ of retarded questions! I'm going to make a sandwich! All yours, FS! Be back in a minute!" She got up from the table and left the set, tossing the paper over her shoulder as she left.

FallShort stooped to pick it up and then read it aloud. "From Kumai290 again: 'Do you like pumpkins? I like pumpkins!' Yeah…that's a pretty retarded question, Kumai…oh well, I'll get over it. Aang?"

"Uh, well, yeah, I guess I like pumpkins…"

"Great then! Moving on!" She pulls out another slip of paper. "This is from FireNutZuko again, who writes, 'Aang: Did you know your hair resembled a Chia Pet?'"

The airbender cocked his head. FallShort couldn't help but giggle. He looked like a puppy. "Uh, what's a Chia Pet?"

Toph decided to answer for the hostess. "Don't know, don't care. Whatever it is, it looked like your hair. Done. Finished. Over with. Gone. I'm losing circulation in my arms and legs…can we move this along?"

FallShort nodded. "One more question, from the anon Michelle! It's…the same question about your hair. 'Are you gonna grow your hair back? It was cute!'"

"What is up with my hair that is so fascinating?!" Aang exclaimed, slightly perplexed, and slightly delighted at the same time.

JesusFreak reappears, holding a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She takes a bite. "What are you talking about? It's absolutely ADORABLE! Seriously, you should grow it back sometime." Another bite.

Aang and FallShort stare.

Self-consciously, JesusFreak takes another bite. "What?"

FallShort leans forward. "I didn't have breakfast this morning, can I…?"

"NO! THIS IS MY SANDWICH! I MADE IT WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS, MY OWN SWEAT AND BLOOD AND MY OWN PLASTIC KNIFE! AND I DESERVE TO EAT IT!! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

FallShort inches away. "Oh…kay…"

Aang, wide-eyed. "Obsessive!"

JesusFreak snarls and bares her teeth like a wild animal, clutching her sandwich and occasionally taking bites out of it, eyeing the other two warily.

Toph wriggles uncomfortably. "Okay, now I can't feel…never mind, you don't want to know…"

Aang wiggles sideways to turn and look at her. "What can't you feel?"

Toph hesitates, but then shrugs in a 'what-the-monkey' fashion and answers confidently. "My butt!"

JesusFreak and FallShort exchange glances, much like before, and shout in unison:

"POSTERIOR! REAR END! IT'S ALL THE SAME, ALL THE SAME!" They laugh.

"Oh…kay…" Aang's face looks actually frightened at this moment.

FallShort stops laughing. "You know we're a couple of goofballs, right?"

JesusFreak covers her mouth to hide her laughter, and FallShort grins again. They sing a strange song to the tune of 'head-shoulder-knees-and-toes.'

"DORKS! NERDS! GEEKS! SPECIAL ED! SPECIAL ED!"

"DORKS! NERDS! GEEKS! SPECIAL ED! SPECIAL ED!"

"WEIRD AND STRANGE AND PRETTY DARN INSANE!"

"DORKS! NERDS! GEEKS! SPECIAL ED! SPECIAL EEEEDDDDDD!"

"All rights to this song reserved to UnicornsAreReal Incorporated."

The audience is thoroughly dumbstruck, as are Aang and Toph.

"Whelp!" JesusFreak says with finality, "See ya later, fellow Avatards!"

FallShort nods. "Until next time, don't eat cheese off the toilet seat, you never know if it's really what is seems!"

"And she knows from experience!" JesusFreak grins insanely.

Aang and Toph exchange horrified glances.

"Hey…I do NOT…"

_Bleep._

* * *

**A/N:** Apologies for any grammatical errors or mistakes, I posted this in a hurry, I've been on the computer all day and haven't finished my biology research yet! Kudos to all my wonderful reviewers, I luv ya! And no, unfortunately, UnicornsAreReal is not an actual corporation, though I wish it were. _*sigh*_


	7. She burnt WHAT?

**A/N:** Hey again! (I just realized I say that a lot!) I'm so happy! People are reviewing this story much more than I thought! Well, I got a monkeyload of reviews for a certain-character-that-won't-be-revealed-at-this-moment, so this show will be centered around everyone's favorite li…whoops! Almost told! Anyway, get ready for a whole lot of singed…things!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar or any of the characters in it. The answers from the characters in this fic are purely up for interpretation, as they are just my suspicions for what will occur on the actual show.

* * *

"GUESS WHAT EVERYBODY!"

FallShort rolled her eyes. "JF, get off of the camera. No one can see anything like that, except your ugly face!"

JesusFreak's expression, which was all the viewers could see in the frame at the moment, creased into a frown. "Please keep your lying tongue to yourself, FS, or I can replace you!"

The older girl scoffed. "With who?"

JesusFreak removed her head from the camera lens and rushed hopped back on the stage with the energy of a three-year old…not to mention the grace of a three-year old as well. She tripped and fell flat on her 'ugly' face. The audience winced, and several people mouthed, 'ow…'

But the hostess hopped up with enthusiasm and slid a little more coordinately on top of the conference table. She leaned toward FallShort and whispered in her ear.

The college hostess gasped. "You _wouldn't_!"

JesusFreak grinned insanely. "Oh, yes I would! Come up here, ImaginaryBender!"

FallShort buried her head in her hands as JesusFreak crossed her feet and swung her arms into the air victoriously. "Ah, sweet, sweet sisterly-ness!"

The boy in the audience, who, evidently, was called, 'ImaginaryBender,' jumped out of his seat and made his way toward the stage. He hopped up with the energy of a three-year old…and fell flat on his face.

FallShort looked up when she heard the loud _thud. _She groaned and turned to the audience. "Look familiar?"

JesusFreak grinned as ImaginaryBender hopped back up and held up a hand. She slapped and shook it with vigor. "What's up, IB?"

She turned to the audience. "You can totally tell we're related! Everyone, this is our…"

"_Your_," FallShort interrupted. "I'm not related to either of you in any way whatsoever!"

JesusFreak grinned. "I pity you, big sister! You miss out on all the fun! ANYWAY! This is who we like to call ImaginaryBender, or IB! He's our brother and my twin! Identical in every way! Except intelligence!"

ImaginaryBender grinned widely. "That's right! I'm the smart one!"

JesusFreak rolled her eyes. "Mistakes are your specialty, IB. Nice try, but no! I think you meant _me!_"

IB thought for a moment, cocking his head adorably, which he had recently discovered some girls enjoyed seeing. "Nope," he decided. "I meant me!"

FallShort stood up abruptly and shoved them off the table, and they both, _again, _fell flat on their faces on the metal stage. "Enough, you two! I've got a show to run, apparently since JF decided that she was going to introduce the other half of the I-need-therapy-duo!"

"Yep," IB nodded from his place on the ground, propping himself up on his elbows as he lay on his stomach, like his sister beside him, "We _do _need therapy!"

"Lots and lots of it!" JesusFreak piped in.

"Yeah…this is _not _what I meant when I said we needed an extra stage hand for this show!"

JesusFreak shrugged. "Well, he's on the stage, and he's got _two _hands, so I think he measures up to our requirements!"

FallShort slapped her forehead in exasperation.

"ANYWAY!" IB piped, exactly like his twin, "This show is going to be very spectacular, and very, _very _dangerous, so I recommend the queasy or faint of heart leave the studio at this moment, because there is a very high risk of injury or even death during the airing of this show!"

"Even more than when Zuko was here!"

The audience raised their eyebrows in disbelief.

"I think you're over-exaggerating, JF," FallShort intervened. "Azula can't be _that _bad, can she?"

The twins glared murderously at her. "There you go again, ruining the surprise! Oh, and by the way, folks, for those of you that were eager to see Toph here…since she can't tell if Azula's lying anyway, we took her off the set for safety reasons…" JF addressed the crowd, crossing her arms. Then she turned back to FallShort. "What will it take for you to keep your logical mouth shut for the rest of the show?"

The hostess tapped her chin. "Ten dollars for Starbucks and an excuse slip."

"Deal!" IB handed her a ten dollar bill and waved his hand. "Knock yourself out!"

"Sweet," FallShort nodded, satisfied, and got up and casually walked off the stage and out of the studio.

"Uh-oh," JesusFreak looked slightly nervous.

"What?" ImaginaryBender glanced at her.

"Do you realize what we just did?"

"I repeat: What?"

"We just got rid of the only thread of sanity that there was left in this entire building…"

The twins glanced at each other with delight.

"AWESOME!"

The people in the crowd glanced at each other nervously as the twins turned identical gazes upon them.

"WHO'S READY FOR SOME FREAKY LIGHTNING??" IB and JF shouted at the top of their lungs.

The studio audience wasn't so sure, but they waved their arms half-heartedly in the air and 'whoo'ed anyway.

"ALRIGHT!" JesusFreak went on, not noticing the lack of enthusiasm from the group, because the shouting from her brother in her ears replaced it all…and more. "SCOTTY! BRING HER IN!"

The burly man walked in, holding the arm of a huma—no, a _creature, _who at the very sight of, made everyone's blood in the room run cold, despite her bound hands, that were covered with a non-conductive rubber so any fire that left her hands wouldn't be able to escape.

Azula walked proudly, as one born of nobility, but her eyes betrayed how very opposite her personality actually was. They were amber pools of death, as JesusFreak would have described them, and swirling within them was the cunning…the savagery…the merciless cruelty and loathing contempt that the princess held submerged in her heart of stone. Scotty led her to the chair, where he plopped her unceremoniously down and tied her up with rope.

And then with a thick wire…

A long link of steel chains…

Some more rope…

A non-flammable sheet of heavy fabric…

More bindings for her feet which were similar to the ones confining her wrists…

And finally…

A pair of handcuffs around her wrists, to keep her already bound hands together.

"Wow," ImaginaryBender remarked as Scotty nodded toward JesusFreak and left the stage. "I'm guessing all these…restraints are absolutely necessary?" he glanced toward his twin.

She looked back at him seriously, for once, her eyes saying all that she needed to say.

"Oh…kay…" he began hesitantly. "The review jar?"

JesusFreak climbed onto the desk and swung her legs to the other side, dropping out of sight for a moment.

_Bang._

_Crash._

_Smash._

_Clatter._

_Thud._

A muffled, "Ow…"

IB whistled slowly, glancing casually around the room, leaning on the desk as it vibrated.

_Ting!_

_Crack!_

_Rip!_

"Monkey! My sleeve!"

_Thunk._

"Dang! I mean, MONKEY!"

JesusFreak reappeared with the jar. "OMM! You wouldn't believe all the junk FS's got under there! Sheesh!" She clambered over the table, sitting on it, and then handed her brother the jar.

"Okay!" IB continued as if nothing had happened. "First up is Darkwrite!"

JesusFreak waved to that particular reviewer, who happened to be a brave soul, and sat in the crowd. "Hi!" She squeaked. Yes, it was in fact, a very mouse-like squeak.

"His first question is…" IB scanned the paper and read aloud with his nose wrinkled in disgust, "Azula: Why are you so…hot?"

JesusFreak hopped up, surprised, and read over his shoulder. Then she glanced toward Darkwrite. "Do you mean hot as in firebending? Or hot as in…" IB slapped her on the shoulder with a rubber chicken that was wrapped in toilet paper.

"Ow!" the hostess exclaimed angrily, grabbing the chicken and beating her squalling brother over the head with it many times in a row. Suddenly, as if realizing what she was doing, she glanced down at her hands. "Where in the MONKEY did you get this?"

ImaginaryBender, whose right eye was beginning to turn a little purple, pointed to the conference table.

JesusFreak glanced in disbelief. "What would FallShort need with a rubber chicken that looks like King Tut?"

IB brightened. "Maybe to put it up her…"

"UUUUhhh! No! Don't even go there! Not there! That's the conversation of no return! We are checkin' out! Yick! Ick! Don't ever _ever _go there! Never ever ever ever ever! Uuuuh!" JesusFreak shuddered violently and tossed the chicken away, disgusted, where it bounced off the stage with a loud squeal of protest. She pointed at her brother. "Get on with the monkeying questions!"

ImaginaryBender shrugged and turned to Azula. "We all know you are socially inept, as your performance in Season Three: The Beach, clearly displays that, so why don't you respond very hilariously to the question: Why are you so hot?"

The princess regarded him with an eye so heartless and cold that suddenly, to the utter shock of the entire crowd, including JesusFreak, IB crumpled to the ground, unconscious. His twin sister nudged his body with a foot. Then she turned to the crowd. "Well then, I'm guessing Azula has developed the ability to actually _kill _with looks!" She began a very convincing coughing fit, which anyone who didn't know her very well would believe was real, and in between her terribly realistic coughs, she exclaimed, "She's…_hackhackhack_…even-uglier…_hackhackhack_… in…_hackhackharruck_…person…_harrickhackhicuuck…_Okay…I'm good." She grinned maniacally, but the studio audience was ominously quiet. A few of the viewers seemed to magically black out before JesusFreak had sense enough to realize that they were receiving, literally, the 'death glare.'

"Scotty! Bring a blindfold, will you?"

The burly assistant hurried onstage and blindfolded the princess with a suspicious-looking red headband. "Hey…" JesusFreak began, but then shrugged it off as nothing.

"Okay!" she continued, completely ignoring her 'sleeping' brother on the ground. She stepped casually over him and picked up the jar from the table, and thrust her arm into it, shuffling around, with her tongue sticking out as if the act of picking a piece of paper from a glass jar took an enormous amount of concentration. "Question two…also from Darkwrite! Why are you so cruel to your brother? Azula?"

The princess turned toward her captor. "Zuzu...?" her voice was deathly calm and low, and JesusFreak barely suppressed a shudder. "He is weak. He is a traitor of the Fire Nation. Must I say more?"

Zuko-lovers in the crowd booed loudly.

Azula turned to face them, and even though her eyes weren't seen, the entire audience fell silent, terrified.

"Okay…" JesusFreak kept the tremble out of her voice…barely. Good thing Toph wasn't here, she'd laugh aloud and point out to everyone, including the insane assassin next to her, that her heart was beating wildly with apprehension. "Next question…_also _from Darkwrite! Apparently we found a fan of yours, Azula! Heh…heh." There was no laughter from the audience. JesusFreak shrugged in defeat and read the question. "Why can you only beat some punk preteen with a lucky shot?"

Aang-fans in the audience all turned there attention to Darkwrite, who sat among the other reviewers. "What's your _problem_? Aang's _not _a punk!" one cried angrily.

Darkwrite returned his comment with a very intimidating glare.

The Aang-fans squeaked in fear and then fell quiet.

Azula took this lull as an opportunity to speak. "I can kill anyone I want, at any time. But it's all about strategy. Wait until the right moment to murder someone, so events will play in your favor, and you will get out unscathed."

JesusFreak blinked and turned shakily to the audience. "Well, folks, we have an experienced serial killer right here! She's an employee at MURDERS R US. Just call 1-800-KILLERS, and tell the receptionist how you want it done. We've got death by lightning, chainsaws, and any number and type of gun! Death by rabid bunnies available only for a limited time!"

The audience stifled chuckles, but that was as far as it would escalate in the frightening environment. JesusFreak blinked as ImaginaryBender groaned and stirred. "Well, while he's coming around…let's ask another question! Another one from Darkwrite! Are you an escapee from a mental ward? Did the sky rain down fire when you were born?"

Azula, JesusFreak was sure, was giving her 'the look' from beneath the blindfold. "Eh!" she began, holding up her hands in surrender. "These questions are from Darkwrite! Not me!"

The princess responded by answering the questions. "Actually, I believe you are getting me mixed up with my mentally handicapped Uncle. And, as a matter of fact, there was an electrical thunderstorm the night I was born; the sky did not rain fire."

JesusFreak eyed the princess. "I suppose that explains your moral issues, then? Now we just need an explanation for Ozai…"

"It is all a matter of perspective, and for you lower beings, I doubt your primitive mind would even comprehend my meaning."

There was an audible sharp intake of breath from the audience as they waited for JesusFreak's response. She wouldn't stand for insults of that nature, except occasionally from FallShort, and even with that fact, she always got a messy or dangerous revenge on her older sister.

JesusFreak leaned in until her nose was just inches from the uptight princess'. "Is that so? Is my primitive mind also so backward that I cannot make your eyes and ears bleed and fall from your head? Because I _can_ do that. All it will take is a simple tool…"

Azula scoffed. "You are bluffing. How could you perform such insanity while I am blindfolded?"

JesusFreak grinned deviously. "You have a point. Let's bring out the instrument of torture and I can show you, shall we? It is something I have planned to do to you since I began this show with my sister! Scotty!" she straightened. "Will you bring out the flat screen and my remote? Oh, and get my biology teacher's addition of 'In the Wild Savannah!' Hm…" she turned to the conference desk. "Due to the graphic and horrifying nature of this particular segment, I will need to construct some sort of booth." She hopped over the desk nimbly and ducked underneath it.

_Crash!_

_Bang!_

_Clatter!_

_Squeak! Squeak!_

"What the monkey? So _that's _where she put my pet rat!! Come here, baby, are you hungry? I bet you are! Poor baby, put under here with all the…OW!! BAD RAT! DON'T BITE!"

_SQUEAK!_

"DON'T YOU BACK SASS ME, MISTER! YOU'LL GET YOUR FOOD IN GOOD TIME! MAYBE WE CAN CHOP AZULA UP AND COOK UP A NICE GOOD STEW FOR YOU SINCE YOU'VE ACQUIRED A TASTE FOR HUMAN BLOOD!"

_Suck. Suck. Suck._

"DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! MY FINGER WAS BLEEDING AND I HAVE NOTHING TO WIPE IT WITH AND I MIGHT HAVE WELL RUBBED IT ON YOU LIKE WAR PAINT! BUT I WAS KIND ENOUGH TO SUCK IT INSTEAD!! SHEESH!"

_Squeak!_

"NO! You get no more blood until you learn to behave!"

_Suck. Suck. Suck._

"Aha! Here it is! Now stay, ratty! I'll be back!"

_Squeak._

"Of course I'll name you! Eventually…why does it matter, anyway? Ratty is as good a name as any!"

_Squeak! Squeak!_

"Whatever, dude, just chillax, okay!?"

JesusFreak appeared again with some sort of tent sheet and a package of poles. "Okay, folks," she began as she set it up around the confined Azula's chair. "If you haven't noticed the earphones stuck in the back of the chair in front of you, I suggest you get ready to put them on, as well as the masks, because this educational television is almost as power as radioactive shards of metal made into necklaces…so!"

Scotty appeared, pushing a very large TV on a wheeled stand in front of him.

JesusFreak finished with the tent and raised a hand high in the air. Scotty promptly tossed a television remote to her. She snatched it from the air, and after sticking a pair of orange ear plugs in, she adjusted the Television so Azula could look nowhere but at it. Then, she grasped the knot of the princess' blindfold and held the remote in position.

"READY?!" she shouted unnecessarily.

Everyone in the audience nodded their heads, and Scotty adjusted the blue plugs in his ears. JesusFreak grinned at Azula, though she couldn't see it. "Get ready to die, Azula!"

She clicked the red button reading 'power' on the remote, and the TV switched on, a dreadfully dreary voice blaring from the speakers. JesusFreak whipped the blindfold off Azula.

"_The male gazelles take part in annual duels with other members of the herd for the possession of females to mate with…"_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

JesusFreak covered her ears from the ear-splitting scream that erupted from Azula's mouth as she suffered intensely at the mercy of the educational program. "That will be all for now, guys!" she shouted over the deafening noise. "Tune in for the second episode, the continuation of Azula…"

_Bleep._

* * *

**A/N:** Yes, sorry guys! This chap was way too long to work as one chapter, so I posted it in two sections! I've recently got so many question for Azula, and as I looked over this chap, I realized I used very few! So I will use the rest in the next chap!


	8. Mass Destruction: Complements of Azula

**A/N:** Hey again! (I just realized I say that a lot!) I'm so happy! People are reviewing this story much more than I thought! Well, I got a monkeyload of reviews for a certain-character-that-won't-be-revealed-at-this-moment, so this show will be centered around everyone's favorite li…whoops! Almost told! Anyway, get ready for a whole lot of singed…things!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar or any of the characters in it. The answers from the characters in this fic are purely up for interpretation, as they are just my suspicions for what will occur on the actual show.

* * *

"GUESS WHAT EVERYBODY!"

FallShort rolled her eyes. "JF, get off of the camera. No one can see anything like that, except your ugly face!"

JesusFreak's expression, which was all the viewers could see in the frame at the moment, creased into a frown. "Please keep your lying tongue to yourself, FS, or I can replace you!"

The older girl scoffed. "With who?"

JesusFreak removed her head from the camera lens and rushed hopped back on the stage with the energy of a three-year old…not to mention the grace of a three-year old as well. She tripped and fell flat on her 'ugly' face. The audience winced, and several people mouthed, 'ow…'

But the hostess hopped up with enthusiasm and slid a little more coordinately on top of the conference table. She leaned toward FallShort and whispered in her ear.

The college hostess gasped. "You _wouldn't_!"

JesusFreak grinned insanely. "Oh, yes I would! Come up here, ImaginaryBender!"

FallShort buried her head in her hands as JesusFreak crossed her feet and swung her arms into the air victoriously. "Ah, sweet, sweet sisterly-ness!"

The boy in the audience, who, evidently, was called, 'ImaginaryBender,' jumped out of his seat and made his way toward the stage. He hopped up with the energy of a three-year old…and fell flat on his face.

FallShort looked up when she heard the loud _thud. _She groaned and turned to the audience. "Look familiar?"

JesusFreak grinned as ImaginaryBender hopped back up and held up a hand. She slapped and shook it with vigor. "What's up, IB?"

She turned to the audience. "You can totally tell we're related! Everyone, this is our…"

"_Your_," FallShort interrupted. "I'm not related to either of you in any way whatsoever!"

JesusFreak grinned. "I pity you, big sister! You miss out on all the fun! ANYWAY! This is who we like to call ImaginaryBender, or IB! He's our brother and my twin! Identical in every way! Except intelligence!"

ImaginaryBender grinned widely. "That's right! I'm the smart one!"

JesusFreak rolled her eyes. "Mistakes are your specialty, IB. Nice try, but no! I think you meant _me!_"

IB thought for a moment, cocking his head adorably, which he had recently discovered some girls enjoyed seeing. "Nope," he decided. "I meant me!"

FallShort stood up abruptly and shoved them off the table, and they both, _again, _fell flat on their faces on the metal stage. "Enough, you two! I've got a show to run, apparently since JF decided that she was going to introduce the other half of the I-need-therapy-duo!"

"Yep," IB nodded from his place on the ground, propping himself up on his elbows as he lay on his stomach, like his sister beside him, "We _do _need therapy!"

"Lots and lots of it!" JesusFreak piped in.

"Yeah…this is _not _what I meant when I said we needed an extra stage hand for this show!"

JesusFreak shrugged. "Well, he's on the stage, and he's got _two _hands, so I think he measures up to our requirements!"

FallShort slapped her forehead in exasperation.

"ANYWAY!" IB piped, exactly like his twin, "This show is going to be very spectacular, and very, _very _dangerous, so I recommend the queasy or faint of heart leave the studio at this moment, because there is a very high risk of injury or even death during the airing of this show!"

"Even more than when Zuko was here!"

The audience raised their eyebrows in disbelief.

"I think you're over-exaggerating, JF," FallShort intervened. "Azula can't be _that _bad, can she?"

The twins glared murderously at her. "There you go again, ruining the surprise! Oh, and by the way, folks, for those of you that were eager to see Toph here…since she can't tell if Azula's lying anyway, we took her off the set for safety reasons…" JF addressed the crowd, crossing her arms. Then she turned back to FallShort. "What will it take for you to keep your logical mouth shut for the rest of the show?"

The hostess tapped her chin. "Ten dollars for Starbucks and an excuse slip."

"Deal!" IB handed her a ten dollar bill and waved his hand. "Knock yourself out!"

"Sweet," FallShort nodded, satisfied, and got up and casually walked off the stage and out of the studio.

"Uh-oh," JesusFreak looked slightly nervous.

"What?" ImaginaryBender glanced at her.

"Do you realize what we just did?"

"I repeat: What?"

"We just got rid of the only thread of sanity that there was left in this entire building…"

The twins glanced at each other with delight.

"AWESOME!"

The people in the crowd glanced at each other nervously as the twins turned identical gazes upon them.

"WHO'S READY FOR SOME FREAKY LIGHTNING??" IB and JF shouted at the top of their lungs.

The studio audience wasn't so sure, but they waved their arms half-heartedly in the air and 'whoo'ed anyway.

"ALRIGHT!" JesusFreak went on, not noticing the lack of enthusiasm from the group, because the shouting from her brother in her ears replaced it all…and more. "SCOTTY! BRING HER IN!"

The burly man walked in, holding the arm of a huma—no, a _creature, _who at the very sight of, made everyone's blood in the room run cold, despite her bound hands, that were covered with a non-conductive rubber so any fire that left her hands wouldn't be able to escape.

Azula walked proudly, as one born of nobility, but her eyes betrayed how very opposite her personality actually was. They were amber pools of death, as JesusFreak would have described them, and swirling within them was the cunning…the savagery…the merciless cruelty and loathing contempt that the princess held submerged in her heart of stone. Scotty led her to the chair, where he plopped her unceremoniously down and tied her up with rope.

And then with a thick wire…

A long link of steel chains…

Some more rope…

A non-flammable sheet of heavy fabric…

More bindings for her feet which were similar to the ones confining her wrists…

And finally…

A pair of handcuffs around her wrists, to keep her already bound hands together.

"Wow," ImaginaryBender remarked as Scotty nodded toward JesusFreak and left the stage. "I'm guessing all these…restraints are absolutely necessary?" he glanced toward his twin.

She looked back at him seriously, for once, her eyes saying all that she needed to say.

"Oh…kay…" he began hesitantly. "The review jar?"

JesusFreak climbed onto the desk and swung her legs to the other side, dropping out of sight for a moment.

_Bang._

_Crash._

_Smash._

_Clatter._

_Thud._

A muffled, "Ow…"

IB whistled slowly, glancing casually around the room, leaning on the desk as it vibrated.

_Ting!_

_Crack!_

_Rip!_

"Monkey! My sleeve!"

_Thunk._

"Dang! I mean, MONKEY!"

JesusFreak reappeared with the jar. "OMM! You wouldn't believe all the junk FS's got under there! Sheesh!" She clambered over the table, sitting on it, and then handed her brother the jar.

"Okay!" IB continued as if nothing had happened. "First up is Darkwrite!"

JesusFreak waved to that particular reviewer, who happened to be a brave soul, and sat in the crowd. "Hi!" She squeaked. Yes, it was in fact, a very mouse-like squeak.

"His first question is…" IB scanned the paper and read aloud with his nose wrinkled in disgust, "Azula: Why are you so…hot?"

JesusFreak hopped up, surprised, and read over his shoulder. Then she glanced toward Darkwrite. "Do you mean hot as in firebending? Or hot as in…" IB slapped her on the shoulder with a rubber chicken that was wrapped in toilet paper.

"Ow!" the hostess exclaimed angrily, grabbing the chicken and beating her squalling brother over the head with it many times in a row. Suddenly, as if realizing what she was doing, she glanced down at her hands. "Where in the MONKEY did you get this?"

ImaginaryBender, whose right eye was beginning to turn a little purple, pointed to the conference table.

JesusFreak glanced in disbelief. "What would FallShort need with a rubber chicken that looks like King Tut?"

IB brightened. "Maybe to put it up her…"

"UUUUhhh! No! Don't even go there! Not there! That's the conversation of no return! We are checkin' out! Yick! Ick! Don't ever _ever _go there! Never ever ever ever ever! Uuuuh!" JesusFreak shuddered violently and tossed the chicken away, disgusted, where it bounced off the stage with a loud squeal of protest. She pointed at her brother. "Get on with the monkeying questions!"

ImaginaryBender shrugged and turned to Azula. "We all know you are socially inept, as your performance in Season Three: The Beach, clearly displays that, so why don't you respond very hilariously to the question: Why are you so hot?"

The princess regarded him with an eye so heartless and cold that suddenly, to the utter shock of the entire crowd, including JesusFreak, IB crumpled to the ground, unconscious. His twin sister nudged his body with a foot. Then she turned to the crowd. "Well then, I'm guessing Azula has developed the ability to actually _kill _with looks!" She began a very convincing coughing fit, which anyone who didn't know her very well would believe was real, and in between her terribly realistic coughs, she exclaimed, "She's…_hackhackhack_…even-uglier…_hackhackhack_… in…_hackhackharruck_…person…_harrickhackhicuuck…_Okay…I'm good." She grinned maniacally, but the studio audience was ominously quiet. A few of the viewers seemed to magically black out before JesusFreak had sense enough to realize that they were receiving, literally, the 'death glare.'

"Scotty! Bring a blindfold, will you?"

The burly assistant hurried onstage and blindfolded the princess with a suspicious-looking red headband. "Hey…" JesusFreak began, but then shrugged it off as nothing.

"Okay!" she continued, completely ignoring her 'sleeping' brother on the ground. She stepped casually over him and picked up the jar from the table, and thrust her arm into it, shuffling around, with her tongue sticking out as if the act of picking a piece of paper from a glass jar took an enormous amount of concentration. "Question two…also from Darkwrite! Why are you so cruel to your brother? Azula?"

The princess turned toward her captor. "Zuzu...?" her voice was deathly calm and low, and JesusFreak barely suppressed a shudder. "He is weak. He is a traitor of the Fire Nation. Must I say more?"

Zuko-lovers in the crowd booed loudly.

Azula turned to face them, and even though her eyes weren't seen, the entire audience fell silent, terrified.

"Okay…" JesusFreak kept the tremble out of her voice…barely. Good thing Toph wasn't here, she'd laugh aloud and point out to everyone, including the insane assassin next to her, that her heart was beating wildly with apprehension. "Next question…_also _from Darkwrite! Apparently we found a fan of yours, Azula! Heh…heh." There was no laughter from the audience. JesusFreak shrugged in defeat and read the question. "Why can you only beat some punk preteen with a lucky shot?"

Aang-fans in the audience all turned there attention to Darkwrite, who sat among the other reviewers. "What's your _problem_? Aang's _not _a punk!" one cried angrily.

Darkwrite returned his comment with a very intimidating glare.

The Aang-fans squeaked in fear and then fell quiet.

Azula took this lull as an opportunity to speak. "I can kill anyone I want, at any time. But it's all about strategy. Wait until the right moment to murder someone, so events will play in your favor, and you will get out unscathed."

JesusFreak blinked and turned shakily to the audience. "Well, folks, we have an experienced serial killer right here! She's an employee at MURDERS R US. Just call 1-800-KILLERS, and tell the receptionist how you want it done. We've got death by lightning, chainsaws, and any number and type of gun! Death by rabid bunnies available only for a limited time!"

The audience stifled chuckles, but that was as far as it would escalate in the frightening environment. JesusFreak blinked as ImaginaryBender groaned and stirred. "Well, while he's coming around…let's ask another question! Another one from Darkwrite! Are you an escapee from a mental ward? Did the sky rain down fire when you were born?"

Azula, JesusFreak was sure, was giving her 'the look' from beneath the blindfold. "Eh!" she began, holding up her hands in surrender. "These questions are from Darkwrite! Not me!"

The princess responded by answering the questions. "Actually, I believe you are getting me mixed up with my mentally handicapped Uncle. And, as a matter of fact, there was an electrical thunderstorm the night I was born; the sky did not rain fire."

JesusFreak eyed the princess. "I suppose that explains your moral issues, then? Now we just need an explanation for Ozai…"

"It is all a matter of perspective, and for you lower beings, I doubt your primitive mind would even comprehend my meaning."

There was an audible sharp intake of breath from the audience as they waited for JesusFreak's response. She wouldn't stand for insults of that nature, except occasionally from FallShort, and even with that fact, she always got a messy or dangerous revenge on her older sister.

JesusFreak leaned in until her nose was just inches from the uptight princess'. "Is that so? Is my primitive mind also so backward that I cannot make your eyes and ears bleed and fall from your head? Because I _can_ do that. All it will take is a simple tool…"

Azula scoffed. "You are bluffing. How could you perform such insanity while I am blindfolded?"

JesusFreak grinned deviously. "You have a point. Let's bring out the instrument of torture and I can show you, shall we? It is something I have planned to do to you since I began this show with my sister! Scotty!" she straightened. "Will you bring out the flat screen and my remote? Oh, and get my biology teacher's addition of 'In the Wild Savannah!' Hm…" she turned to the conference desk. "Due to the graphic and horrifying nature of this particular segment, I will need to construct some sort of booth." She hopped over the desk nimbly and ducked underneath it.

_Crash!_

_Bang!_

_Clatter!_

_Squeak! Squeak!_

"What the monkey? So _that's _where she put my pet rat!! Come here, baby, are you hungry? I bet you are! Poor baby, put under here with all the…OW!! BAD RAT! DON'T BITE!"

_SQUEAK!_

"DON'T YOU BACK SASS ME, MISTER! YOU'LL GET YOUR FOOD IN GOOD TIME! MAYBE WE CAN CHOP AZULA UP AND COOK UP A NICE GOOD STEW FOR YOU SINCE YOU'VE ACQUIRED A TASTE FOR HUMAN BLOOD!"

_Suck. Suck. Suck._

"DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! MY FINGER WAS BLEEDING AND I HAVE NOTHING TO WIPE IT WITH AND I MIGHT HAVE WELL RUBBED IT ON YOU LIKE WAR PAINT! BUT I WAS KIND ENOUGH TO SUCK IT INSTEAD!! SHEESH!"

_Squeak!_

"NO! You get no more blood until you learn to behave!"

_Suck. Suck. Suck._

"Aha! Here it is! Now stay, ratty! I'll be back!"

_Squeak._

"Of course I'll name you! Eventually…why does it matter, anyway? Ratty is as good a name as any!"

_Squeak! Squeak!_

"Whatever, dude, just chillax, okay!?"

JesusFreak appeared again with some sort of tent sheet and a package of poles. "Okay, folks," she began as she set it up around the confined Azula's chair. "If you haven't noticed the earphones stuck in the back of the chair in front of you, I suggest you get ready to put them on, as well as the masks, because this educational television is almost as power as radioactive shards of metal made into necklaces…so!"

Scotty appeared, pushing a very large TV on a wheeled stand in front of him.

JesusFreak finished with the tent and raised a hand high in the air. Scotty promptly tossed a television remote to her. She snatched it from the air, and after sticking a pair of orange ear plugs in, she adjusted the Television so Azula could look nowhere but at it. Then, she grasped the knot of the princess' blindfold and held the remote in position.

"READY?!" she shouted unnecessarily.

Everyone in the audience nodded their heads, and Scotty adjusted the blue plugs in his ears. JesusFreak grinned at Azula, though she couldn't see it. "Get ready to die, Azula!"

She clicked the red button reading 'power' on the remote, and the TV switched on, a dreadfully dreary voice blaring from the speakers. JesusFreak whipped the blindfold off Azula.

"_The male gazelles take part in annual duels with other members of the herd for the possession of females to mate with…"_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

JesusFreak covered her ears from the ear-splitting scream that erupted from Azula's mouth as she suffered intensely at the mercy of the educational program. "That will be all for now, guys!" she shouted over the deafening noise. "Tune in for the second episode, the continuation of Azula…"

_Bleep._

* * *

**A/N:** Yes, sorry guys! This chap was way too long to work as one chapter, so I posted it in two sections! I've recently got so many question for Azula, and as I looked over this chap, I realized I used very few! So I will use the rest in the next chap!


	9. AN of Imminent Doom

_**A/N:**_

Hi everybody.

I'm sure some of u were probably like, OMM! AN UPDATE! FINALLY!

I'm sorry to disappoint u guys who were expecting a chapter, but I'm here to…

"**What? Make excuses?"**

FallShort! Get outta here! I'm trying to type an author's note!

"**Then why are you writing down the things I say?"**

I dunno…I feel like it. Now get lost!

"**Wait? Are you writing what I think your writing?"**

No…

"**Yes you are! You're writing one of those 'I have a ton going on in my life so I can't continue writing this story for a while' author's notes!"**

Uh…

"**I KNEW IT!"**

I have a legitimate reason, you know that!

"**Yeah, yeah, 'finals are coming up, and I need to focus on my grades yadda yadda yadda…' so you're **_**quitting**_**??"**

No, I'm not quitting! I'm taking a long break! Like the real writers of Avatar are giving all of us SAWS victims!

"**SAWS?"**

Severe Avatar Wait Syndrome. It's a very real disease, and I myself am currently suffering from it…but I have no choice but to stop this story for a while, cause I'm…

"**Yeah, you're failing three classes, I know**."

Thanks for blabbing it to the whole world, sis.

"**That's what I'm here for."**

Well, I have to get those grades up, I'm only failing by _miniscule _amounts, mind you, and then I have to study my backside off for terms.

"**Sure you do…"**

Fallshort! Please, just let me get this out in an orderly fashion before…

"YOU'RE DOING _WHAT?_"

Ugh, IB, I'm typing here!

"Yeah, you're typing what we're saying!"

Look, both of you, I'm going to start back up the show as soon as finals are over okay?

"**JFreak, that's like six weeks from now."**

Well, do _you _want to write it?

"**Pshh…no! I suck at writing!"**

Do you, IB?

"I suck more than big sis!"

Case and point. I'm the best for the job and I'm preoccupied, meaning we've got to postpone releasing the next chapter until I can actually get it up! I'll work on it as much as possible the next few…

"**Or several…"**

…weeks, but I can't post it until my schoolwork is done! You know what Mom and Dad would say!

" 'you need to get your homework done _before _computer time or we'll take away _all_ your computer time!'"

Thanks for the lovely imitation, IB.

"It's what I'm here for!"

Déjà vu.

"**Tell me about it."**

Okay…well. Now that the terrible horrible news is out…this story I will have to keep for another time. As well as my other stories…it depends. I might update, I might not. It all depends on…

"**Whether or not she starts failing **_**four **_**classes."**

Thanks a lot, FS.

"**It's what I'm here for!"**

"Déjà vu."

Tell me about it. Now…so yeah. It depends on my schoolwork and the extra time I have to write. But rest assured I will not completely halt this story!

"**Sure you won't."**

"You did quit 'Undercover Additions.' I liked that story."

That was another thing entirely. Seriously, guys, can you leave me alone for five seconds.

"**Okay. Five…"**

"Four…"

Guys!

"**Three…"**

Ug…okay, yeah, so you guys got the memo, and now I'm signing off. File any specific complaints with the review button or PM me. I don't mind being yelled at, I get it enough…

"Two…"

"**One…"**

Bye!

**Bye!**

Bye!


	10. Comets and Lost Intelligence

**A/N:** Hey guys…yet again! I told you I would post after school ended, well, I'm keeping my promise, and I hope you like it! Comments are appreciated, flames are tolerated, I can learn from them! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar or any of the characters in it. The answers from the characters in this fic are purely up for interpretation, as they are just my suspicions for what will occur on the actual show.

* * *

"Hey! Watch it! That is a very delicate piece of equipment!"

_Crash._

"So what if it's a just piece of blue metal? It's one of my tribe's prided weapons! And it works really well!"

_Bang!_

"Yikes! You don't believe me? Well…"

JesusFreak and FallShort sat facing the audience, smiling sheepishly in utter silence as several loud crashes and shouts of frustration were heard backstage. The eldest of the two folded her hands apologetically, and the younger glanced around the studio, whistling to hide her embarrassment.

_Whoosh!_

_Whack!_

_Whoosh!_

"Take that! Oh yeah, Mr. Head, meet Mr. _Boomerang_! Ha ha!"

_Slap._

"Yowch!"

_Thud._

"Hey, no! Not the sword! Not the…holy _cow-pigs_! What are you, the secret society of metalbenders Toph has yet to discover? Bend my sword back! Give it back, I say!"

_Crunch!_

A gasp of horror was heard. "You _didn't!_" A pause. "Oh yes you did…"

The entire audience bit their tongues when a blood-curdling war-cry pierced the studio, and FallShort and JesusFreak exchanged hopeless glances. Toph, again securely tied to her post, simply smirked, muttering encouragements under her breath.

"Come on, Snoozles…beat their back ends…"

_Crash!_

_Bam!_

_Boom!_

A resounding noise erupted suddenly, and a disoriented Sokka stumbled onto the stage, gripping his boomerang in one hand and a sadly twisted meteorite sword in the other. The sisters stood to their feet impulsively, expecting trouble.

The water tribe warrior blinked confusedly as his blue eyes focused in on the two girls. His gaze swept to JesusFreak. "Ka—Katara? Look what they did to my sword!" He held it up, whimpering. "I can't believe it!"

The hostess shook her head and glanced toward FallShort, who called out hesitantly, "Scotty! Assistance please!"

JF laughed nervously. "Nice way to start out the new season, huh? After the disaster with Azula…"

FallShort shuddered and rubbed her arms, suddenly feeling ice-cold. "Please, JFreak, just…don't go there."

The burly man appeared immediately and took Sokka by the arm, not unkindly. The warrior tried vainly to wrench himself from Scotty's grasp with a sharp, "Hey!" but the employee led him to the recently repaired character's chair and tied him to it as Sokka protested loudly with grunts, muted demands, and muffled 'ows.'

Once finished, Scotty nodded to FallShort and JesusFreak, tucked Sokka's boomerang and mutilated sword under his arm and left the stage.

JFreak grinned, unsure of how to begin. "So…"

She and FallShort exchanged glances.

Sokka struggled against his bonds. "I _demand _you let me out of here! What purpose do you intend to use me for? I know nothing, and you can't make me talk!"

Toph rolled her eyes. The warrior hadn't seen her because her 'pole' was a few feet behind him, and being preoccupied with an enormous dude tying him to a chair, he hadn't exactly been observant. "Chill, Snoozles, they'll let you go soon enough. Just hang on and try not to _die_ on me."

"Toph? Is that you?" Sokka's eyes narrowed and he tried to turn his head around to look at her.

The earthbender blew air from her mouth exasperatingly. "Who do you think? The Tooth Fairy?"

"Who's the Tooth Fairy? Wait…'_chill_?'"

"Ugh…the Tooth Fairy is some weird creature that comes to get your baby teeth under your pillow in the middle of the night. And then gives you money."

"A gold piece?"

"No, a quarter."

"What's a quarter?"

"I have no idea, but it's definitely not money. It has some guy's head on it."

Sokka shuddered. "Creepy!"

"That's not the worst thing about this place."

"What is?"

"The worst thing is these two."

She gestured toward FallShort and JesusFreak, who decided at the same time to take control of the situation. JesusFreak turned to the audience. "Okay, guys, as you've probably guessed, if you're not completely out of it, we're back."

FallShort intervened. "And with us we've brought the guy you've all been waiting and watching for…Sokka!"

"What is this, some criminal investigation?" the warrior's upper lip curled in what he thought was a menacing snarl. It looked more like he was about to release his stomach contents onto the wooden stage floor.

"Look, Boomerang Guy," JesusFreak swung up over the desk and got all in Sokka's face. "We all love you, okay? At least all the insane people do. So anyone who has an objection to his being here…" she turned to the audience, "We will not hold it against you if you leave NOW."

No one moved.

Silence.

Someone made a cricket noise with their teeth in the back.

JesusFreak glared until the audience was quiet once more.

"Good," she continued after a moment, "Everyone's insane. So, Sokka, I suggest you take Toph's advice and don't hold your breath. This will be an _extremely _long wait."

FallShort leaned forward, her palms flat on the table. "And _I _suggest you take JFreak's advice to take Toph's advice."

"And I suggest you take FS's advice to take my advice to take Toph's advice."

"And _I _suggest you take JF's advice to take FallShort's advice to take JF's advice to take my advice."

"And _I suggest _you take Toph's advice to take my advice to take FShort's advice to take my advice to take Toph's advice."

"And _I _suggest you should take JFreak's advice to take my advice to take FallShort's advice to take JFreak's advice to take my advice."

"And _I _suggest you take Toph's advice to take…"

FallShort rolled her eyes. "And _I _suggest that all of you SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLES before I _hurt _you!"

JesusFreak and Toph were silent instantly.

FallShort sighed. "Okay, everyone, now to the _real _reason we're here!" She pulls out the Review Jar and hands it to her sister. "It's all yours."

JesusFreak grinned maniacally and snatched the jar, stuffing her hand in the neck and digging around in it.

**Five. Minutes. Later. **

"Uh…JF, are you going to be done anytime soon?"

"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

FallShort sighed. "One…"

"NO! NOT THE DREADED COUNTING! NOOOOOO!"

"Two…"

"AHHH! MUST HURRY! MUST FIND THE RIGHT ONE! AHH!"

"Three…"

"BE QUIET, WILL YOU?! I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE!! YIKES!"

_Squeak! Eeeep!_

"Four…"

"RATTY! HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE!? GET OUT! GET OUT THIS INSTANT!!"

_Squeeeeeeeeeeee…thud._

"Fi…Did you just do what I think you just did?"

Sokka's eyes were wide. "She threw the thing against the wall!"

FallShort glared. "No need for the clarification, thank you!"

"ANIMAL ABUSE! ANIMAL ABUSE! SOMEONE CALL THE ASPCA! CALL THE ANIMAL SHELTERS! WE MUST GET THIS INHUMANE CREATURE IN THE SLAMMER!!"

Silence.

FallShort shook her head. "JFreak, you know you have a serious problem, right? _You_ threw Ratty and you are yelling to the heavens that someone needs to turn you in. Life must be treating you pretty hard, huh?"

JesusFreak grinned as she continued to rummage. "Actually, no! As of two days ago, I am no longer failing any of my classes! And the best part is…SCHOOL'S OVER!!"

FallShort nodded. "Ah, school. Its amazing what eight hours of sitting quietly at a desk working on difficult brain-melting assignments can do to you."

Toph snorted. "So that's what's wrong with you all."

"YES!" JesusFreak shouted. "SCHOOL IS KILLING US ALL! LET'S GO ON STRIKE!!"

FallShort rolled her eyes. "I highly doubt _that'll_ help."

JesusFreak glared. "You know, that one time, when IB, me, about seventy-three of my classmates, and all of our parents went on strike from the lunch line at school, not buying anything for a whole six months, they actually made the prices cheaper! All those days of peanut-butter and jelly and tap water from home paid off!"

FallShort shook her head sadly. "Four bucks for a can of soda! It was absolutely ridiculous! You'd think they were going broke or something, yet they had enough money to buy fifty new computers for the science labs!"

"I KNOW!"

Sokka glanced toward Toph. "Bucks? Like male deer-wolves?"

The earthbender shook her head. "No, it's another type of their weird money. But it's made out of parchment stuff."

"Paper-money called 'bucks?' That's…I don't know what it is! It's just…ridiculous!"

FallShort's eyes fell on him. "Not when you can buy things with it."

"Yeah," JesusFreak piped, "If you love soda…or any other material thing in life!"

"Right…" FallShort jerked her head toward the review jar. "Shall we get on with the show before our audience dies of sheer boredom?"

JesusFreak nodded thoughtfully, glancing at the jar still in her arms. "Okay…let's do this!" She rummaged around again, but not for long, before her hand reemerged, a small piece of paper held between her thumb and index finger. "HERE WE GO! First question is from Heihachi-katayama!"

Sokka shook his head in bewilderment. "Hachi-_what?_ You people have _strange _names!"

Toph snorted in agreement. "Along with everything else about them!"

JesusFreak glared. Sokka shut his mouth.

"Okay…Heihachi-katayama writes: Sokka- Why did you make your sword out of a comet? Didn't you know comets ALWAYS have aliens in them?!"

Toph laughed.

Sokka glanced back at her critically. "The funny part of this entire ordeal escapes me."

The earthbender rolled her eyes. "Ah, you get used to it after a while. This show…or whatever it is…is meant to be funny. What harm can it be to laugh at the worst moments?"

The warrior shook his head. "I still don't get the point…but I guess I should probably answer the question, shouldn't I…?"

FallShort glanced sideways toward JFreak. "If you don't, I think my lil' sis will explode with anticipation."

"YA THINK?!"

FallShort's eyebrow rose as she brushed a strand of hair back that had fallen in front of her eyes. "Wow, I think I actually felt the wind that time, JF! You _are _turning into an airbender!"

"Ha ha," JesusFreak frowned, turning to Sokka. "JUST ANSWER IT!"

The warrior blinked fearfully. "Okay…uh, it wasn't a comet, it was a meteorite. Comets are made of ice and stuff…"

"Hey…wait a minute!" FallShort cried.

"WHAT IS IT??" JesusFreak jumped up, startled.

"I _just _realized something!"

"WHAT?!"

"If comets are made of ICE, how can they give _firebenders_ strength? Wouldn't they give WATERBENDERS strength?"

JesusFreak smirked. "And you said you weren't _ever _going to get involved with a 'children's' show."

FallShort sputtered. "A:TLA is different! It's…"

"WELCOME TO THE FAMILY, SIS! As of now we have yet another member of the Crazed Avatar Fandom!"

Audience cheers madly, screeches and shouts filling the studio.

"Wait a second!"

The entire audience fell suddenly silent, and every eye turned to look at the person who had spoken.

Sokka blinked. "Stop staring at me like that!"

Toph rolled her sightless eyes. "Get used to it, Snoozles. Either that or ignore it like I do."

The Water Tribe warrior frowned. "Okay…uh…can we get on with this? My ear's starting to itch, and these restraints don't help matters. And has anyone ever told you this chair is really uncomfortable."

JesusFreak gave a short laugh. "Oh, we would _never _want you to be _uncomfortable_!"

FallShort crossed her arms. "Well, it was comfortable before Azula—_destroyed_—it. So, sorry about that."

"Anywho—NEXT QUESTION! It's from FireNutZuko, who writes: 'To Sokka: WHY WON'T YOU BECOME A VEGETARIAN?!"

The warrior blinked. "Are you _kidding _me? If I was a vegetarian, I'd _die _from lack-of-meat disease!"

FallShort rolled her eyes. "No, _really? _Lack-of-meat disease? Wherever could you have gotten that?"

JesusFreak jumped up to sit on the desk. "Well, Aang's a vegetarian—and he hasn't died from lack-of-meat disease."

Sokka shrugged. "He's _never _eaten meat. Meat is like wine—you eat it once, you can never get enough of it. And if you stop—you get lack-of-meat disease."

FallShort laughed. "So, you're saying you're an addict, and you don't want to experience withdrawal symptoms, so you never _stop _eating it?"

He grinned. "Pretty much."

The older hostess shrugged. "Okay, then. Case and point. Satisfied, FireNut?"

"Zuko," JesusFreak added.

"Zuko what?" FallShort glanced at her sister.

"FireNut _and _Zuko. Don't shorten things for your benefit."

"But…"

JFreak jumped to her feet. "ANYWAY, next question is from Michelle the anon! Applause please!"

Silence.

JesusFreak glared. "I _said _APPLAUSE PLEASE!"

The crowd broke out it loud, half-hearted cheers.

The younger hostess nodded approvingly. "All right, here's Michelle's question: 'Sokka: Do you like Toph?"

The earthbender in question looked startled for a brief second, but masked it quickly behind an expression of indifference.

Sokka completely missed the look. "Of course I like her! She's our friend—and Aang's teacher. She warns us all the time with her uncanny magical seeing-eye skills, and…"

Toph's eyebrow rose. "'Uncanny magical seeing-eye skills?'"

Sokka glanced over his shoulder at her. "Yeah, what you said." He turned back to JesusFreak. "We really couldn't have made it as far as we have without her."

A dramatic pause ensued.

After a moment, FallShort propped her chin in her hand, inspecting her fingernails intently. "You know, you completely missed the point."

Sokka's brow furrowed in confusion. "How so?"

JesusFreak shook her head. "Never mind, let's get on to the next question. I want to go swimming later and I am _not _going to stay here overtime."

"Swimming?" FallShort glanced up.

JesusFreak stared. "You know, it's called a _swimming _pool for a reason. I have no idea why other girls just sit on the side of the pool in their swimsuits and try to look pretty. It doesn't. It looks retarded. I go to the pool to swim_. _Get exercise. Have _fun._ Play chicken wrestling on your friends' shoulders, for heaven's sake! Get my monkeying hair wet! You can wash the chlorine out later—and you can get a tan just being _in _the sun, you don't need to _lie out _in the sun and fry yourself to a crisp! I mean…"

FallShort stood up. "Take it easy, JF, you're getting carried away on your lovely fun-in-the-sun tirade. Let's just focuson the rest of the questions, okay, the faster we get finished, the quicker you can go on your little swimming-fun-time, okay?"

JesusFreak rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm not going to take that comment the wrong way and just deal with it, okay! Oh, and that reminds me…"

"_No,_ sis," FallShort reprimanded, "No more teenage philosophical theories. That was enough for one day. Read the next question."

JesusFreak shrugged and stuck her hand in the jar, pulling out another review. "Okay, Sokka, lets get this over with. This review is from Kittiekat10105, writing, "Sokka: Why are you so oblivious to the fact that Aang loves your little sister?"

"Ooh," FallShort smiled, "That's a good question. I've always wondered that, too!"

The victim in the hotspot character chair blinked. "Wait, he _what?_"

"Oh, forget it!" JesusFreak groaned, tossing the paper away and shoving her hand back into the jar and yanking out another piece. Glancing at it, and then toward FallShort, she handed it to her sister. "You do the rest. I'm too bored."

"But that's…"

"DO IT!!"

FallShort shrank back. "Okay…touchy. The next review's from Glitterpaw Of ThunderClan, formerly known on the show as the anon Kaliya! 'Question for Sokka: If there was an insane catfight between Yue and Suki, and one of them would have to go to a mental institution, which one would you prevent from going?"

Sokka glanced over the hostess with a critical eye. "What kind of question is _that? _Yue is the Moon Spirit now. She can't ever go to a mental institution. And Suki—she does some crazy, daring things, but she's too smart and awesome to go to an insane asylum! Though…I have to say, if there was a catfight between the immortal, 'move the tides eternally' Moon Spirit and a Kyoshi Warrior, I would have to say that Yue would win in a landslide. Or an ocean tide! Ha! Get it? Moon Spirit…moves the waves…yeah…okay, I'm being quiet now…"

"Good choice, Sokka," Toph rolled her eyes.

FallShort laughed. "I have to agree with the metalbender on that one. Okay…last and final question!"

JesusFreak sat slumped in her chair, ignoring everyone and sulking.

Her sister glanced over the teen. "Good thing, too. I think JFreak might just become emo very soon."

JF looked up. "Ha, the day I become emo is the day you become sensitive to other peoples needs!"

FallShort ignored her insult and drew out the last paper from the neck of the jar. "Okay, this review is from JF's MFR, number1avatarfanatic: 'Sokka, if you could, would you keep fufu cuddlypoops as a pet? Were you really going to eat that poor creature? What would you do if we turned you into a dog?  
(Sokka turns into a dog, and he does embarrassing things for a treat.) We could also hypnotize him as a human and make him do embarrassing things for meat, or we could turn him into a vegetarian!'" FallShort sighed. "If only hypnotism was actually plausible. It would be _so _cool. JF…" she waved her arms dramatically, "Go clean out the attic."

The younger hostess snorted and made a 'crazy' sign by pointing her index finger at her head and moving it in a steady circle. "In your dreams, physco! Now let the suffering character answer the monkeying question!"

Before FallShort could wave him on, Sokka cut in impatiently. "Of _course _I was going to eat him! No, I wouldn't keep that creature as a pet—did you see its _mom? _That thing would have murdelized me! Bad Karma…it can kill. If you turned me into some type of dog, I couldn't throw my boomerang, and that would be a problem. So, please don't."

JesusFreak mumbled. "I _wish _we could turn you into a dog. Dogs are adorable and fun."

FallShort rolled her eyes.

Sokka was indignant. "What are you saying? That I'm _not _adorable and fun?" He grinned obnoxiously.

The younger of the two sisters groaned. "No, you're not. You're an exact copy of IB, my twin brother. Attitude, terrible jokes, pretty smart somewhere deep down in his confused brain…he even put his hair up in a wolf-tail one time and ran around all day with a boomerang made of paper, chucking it at us and whacking us in the head."

FallShort moaned. "Oh, not the dreaded impersonation…I think that was the first day in ImaginaryBender's life that I actually was truly AFRAID of him."

"Right there with you," JesusFreak swallowed.

The sisters shuddered.

Sokka and Toph exchanged bemused glances.

"Whelp!" The earthbender finished, "I think that's enough for one day. Snoozles, you're shaking so hard that I can feel you through the _wooden _stage. Are you afraid or something?"

Sokka shook his head. "No…I just _really _gotta go pee!"

FallShort stared.

"That's lovely," JFreak grinned. She glanced offstage, letting out a roar so loud that the vibrations shook the studio and everyone present (except for Sokka and Toph, whose hands were tied to prevent them from doing so) covered they're ears.

"_**SCOTTY!!**_"

The stage hand ambled into view, and set about dutifully releasing Sokka from his bonds. The warrior practically leapt into his arms as soon as he was free. "Come on, Johnny," the warrior gave the man a shove, to no avail. "Let's go…unless you want a really nasty janitor clean-up job on your hands."

"Actually," FallShort intervened, "That's Freddy the Stage Clean-up Guy's job, and his name is _Scotty, _not Johnny."

Sokka stared. "I don't _care!_ I drank almost three gallons of water this morning and I _can't _wait!"

JesusFreak grinned. "Well…since Scotty here is going to escort Mr. Full Bladder to the bathroom, I think it's just about a pretty good time to end the sho…OWCH! WHAT THE MONKEY WAS THAT FOR?!"

"That," FallShort smiled, "Was your rat biting your finger."

"WHAT?! RATTY? I THOUGHT…YOU ALWAYS DO COME BACK!"

Toph blew air from her mouth, exasperated. "Now _that _doesn't sound familiar at _all…_"

Appreciative laughter rippled through the crowd as Bob the Cameraman prepared to switch off the camera.

JesusFreak glared at him. "What are you waiting for? I'm going to take my good ol' Ratty swimming."

FallShort's eyebrow rose. "I hope that thing has a _lot _of lives left. He'll need them."

Toph blinked in agreement. "I can't argue with you on that."

_Bleep._


	11. Substitute Stupidity

**A/N:** Hey guys…again! I hope everyone is having a good summer, I certainly am! Thanks so much to the people that have reviewed—only a few more 'shows' to go! I have ultimately decided to only do the main characters of the show—if I tried to do all of them, I would probably drown in all the loads of work, lol. I thought I would have a ton of time this summer to write, but in fact, I thought wrong. I'm busier than ever and finding it really hard to find time and the inspiration to write. Nonetheless, I'm going to keep at it. This story, in my opinion, has been going down hill since the fifth show, so this chapter, I've stepped it up a bit. That's why it's taken me so long to get it up, but I hope it will be worth it. I love all you guys, and to the readers who don't review, I love you too, just for bothering to take a few minutes out of your own lives to read some random thing that some random person wrote from some random place in the world. I really appreciate it! Now, enough annoying jabber, on with the show!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar or any of the characters in it. The answers from the characters in this fic are purely up for interpretation, as they are just my suspicions for what will occur on the actual show.

* * *

JesusFreak blinked. She was resting her elbows on the conference table and her chin was in her hands. She stared at her twin brother in disbelief. "Wait…rewind, start over. _What _did you do to FallShort?"

ImaginaryBender sat to her left, in FallShort's usual chair. He sighed dramatically and threw his arms in the air in exasperation. He stared at his sister. "Do I have to _spell _it out for you?"

"Yes."

"Uh…fine! I'll go over it again. You know how FallShort's obsessed with keeping in touch with her friend Jessica who moved out-of-state a year ago?"

JesusFreak leaned back in her chair. "Yeah, I got _that _the first time."

IB gestured approvingly. "Good. Now, Jessica hasn't called or emailed or texted her in almost three months now, and she's been going crazy cause she thinks something terrible might have happened. And she's been trying to get a hold of her like forty times every day. Got that?"

JFreak nodded.

"Okay," ImaginaryBender went on, "Well, last night, since I knew you two were doing the show and I wanted her to forget about it…"

JesusFreak interrupted. "And _why _was that again?"

IB whistled exasperatingly. "_Because _I wanted her and her 'voice of reason' to be out of the way, since the character we're doing today has enough reason solely to fill this show to the brim with all the 'smartness' we can take."

JesusFreak nodded. "Ah…I get your point…but it was still entirely unnecessary! If you had just asked me, we could have tied her up in the closet and left her. Much easier and more dependable strategy, if you ask me. Anyway—back to your story?"

IB nodded and smiled. "Okay, well, anyway, so I told FallShort that Jessica called last night and asked to talk to her today and so now she's probably still trying to get a hold of her, even though I know Jessica went on a family vacation with her…wait a second. Uh, JesusFreak?"

"What?"

"When the big sign that says 'On the air' is lit up, what does that mean?"

JesusFreak smiled. "Oh, we just got that installed, because for some reason me and FS were having a hard time being able to tell when the camera was rolling, so when it's lit up, that means…what the monkey?!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"Latte Santos! IB, is the light on _now?_"

"Yeah…uh, what's 'latte santos' mean?"

"MONKEY!"

"It means _monkey?_"

"No! Ugh…we're on!"

"It means 'ugh, we're on'?"

"NO! We're _on!_"

"On what? What are we on?"

"ON THE AIR, YOU DUMB-DUMB!"

"Ohhhh! _That's _what it means!"

JesusFreak slapped her forehead. "No…! You just don't get it, do you?"

"That 'latte santos' means 'on the air'?"

"What are you _talking _about? 'Latte santos' means 'holy milk' in Italian! I was freaking out because we are _on the air, _and you are over here completely losing your mind!"

ImaginaryBender frowned after a lull. "Milk isn't holy…"

JF buried her head in her hands, exasperated, and banged her head repeatedly on the table. IB followed the path of her head up and down…and up and down…and up and down.

_Bang._

He winced.

_Bang._

Ouch.

_Bang. _

Pain.

_Bang._

"Ya know, you can stop doing that…"

_Bang._

"…It's really not…"

_Bang._

"…necessary. But…"

_Bang._

"Just…"

_Bang._

"JFreak!" IBender winced again.

_Bang._

"_Stop!_" ImaginaryBender grabbed his sister's head and held it up so she couldn't move. A purplish bruise was forming over JF's left eye.

"Uh, J?" IB peered at his twin.

JFreak closed her eyes. "It's JF or JFreak or JesusFreak. Or if you want to talk for five years, JesusFreak-And-Proud-Of-It. Or a shortened version of that, JFAPOI. Get it _right_."

ImaginaryBender nodded. "Yeah, okay, sure. But…we've kinda got a show to do. The camera's on."

JF threw her arms in the air with a huge groan of annoyance. She would have continued to bang her head on the table…but IB refused to let go of her.

Turning to the audience for the first time that day, JesusFreak laughed nervously. ImaginaryBender still had a firm hold on her head. "Uh, hello to everyone watching us from the comfort of your homes! I don't suppose you guys have been listening to our entire conversation, have you?"

Supercdogg95, in the studio audience, waved her on. "Never mind us, just go on with the story about FallShort and her friend!"

ImaginaryBender and JF exchanged embarrassed glances. "Whoops!"

Annoyed with his persistent head-holding, JFreak slapped her brother until he let go of her. And continued slapping him for no apparent reason.

"Ow!"

"Yowch!"

"Stop!"

"Quit it!"

"Did FallShort put a sign on me that says 'Slap Me, I'm Italian,' again?"

"Yikes! Ouch!"

He shoved her back, and she folded her hands in front of her calmly, turning to the audience again. "Well…now that I've had my oh-so-fulfilling revenge—I think we should probably get on with the show."

IB rolled his eyes. "I just sa…"

JFreak slugged him, and he fell out of his chair, moaning and clutching his ribs.

Then she smiled and looked toward the camera. "I take it back. _That _was my fulfilling revenge. He'll be down for at least ten minutes now. ANY-who, we've got a ton of billions of questions for our guest today…but first we better get Toph up here…IB, why don't you go get her?"

ImaginaryBender glared at his sister from the floor, where he still was lying, out of breath and gasping.

JFreak grinned down at her humiliated brother. "Oh, right!" she checked her watch. "Still nine minutes and twenty-three seconds to go!" She stood and glanced toward the opposite side of the stage. "_SCOTTY!!_" she bellowed.

The man appeared, guiding Toph ahead of him. Surprisingly, she was unbound and walking completely free of any restraint.

A ripple of apprehension went through the crowd.

JFreak smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, folks, she's agreed to _not _destroy anything. Well, to a degree. I've given her free rein to do whatever she wants with IB here."

From the ground, IBender wheezed in protest and glowered.

JF waved her hand dismissively toward her brother. "Don't worry, she won't do anything worse than _I've _ever done to you."

From the floor, ImaginaryBender said hoarsely, "_You've _broken my arm before!"

JesusFreak frowned. "That's a lie! I never broke your arm! It was a hairline fracture! And an accident! How could I have known that you were standing in the middle of the path of my bike when I jumped the curb for the first time? _I told you to watch out!_"

"I was…_teaching _you how to jump the curb!" he hissed.

JF shrugged. "Teachers know better than to get in my way. _Especially _when I have not the slightest clue what I'm doing. I'm proud to say I _did _make it up the curb, though!"

"And right on top of me…" IB croaked.

Toph snickered from her place a few feet away.

JesusFreak dismissed Scotty, and he left, only with a slight bit of hesitation, leaving Toph standing in her usual spot, though there was no longer a post there to hold her. She stood leisurely, picking absently at her teeth with a little finger.

JFreak coughed.

Toph took her hand from her mouth, rolling her eyes. "Oh, right. I have to tell them in some dramatic way that the next 'character' is Katara, right?"

JesusFreak slapped her forehead.

IB, _still _on the floor, wheezed, "Well…that sure was…dramatic."

JFreak checked her watch. "Five minutes and fifty-eight seconds."

Toph crossed her arms. "Can we just get this over with?"

JF sidled toward her, standing beside her favorite character ever.

Ever. _Ever._

"You know," JesusFreak began, "While Scotty's going to get…well, since you blew it anyway…Katara. I have something to say to you. I mean, I _would _say it, if it wasn't weird."

Toph cocked an eyebrow and shifted her weight on the wooden stage. "What's that, Crazy?"

"You're so awesum-ola…I love you!"

The earthbender stared.

"I told you it would sound weird."

Toph blinked. "You're wrong about that. It didn't sound weird. It sounded _beyond _weird. It was just…it sounded _creepy!_"

"Sisterly love!"

"Sure, sure, Crazy."

"Seriously!"

"Right…"

"It _is!_"

"Whatever you say…"

"Ugh, I give up! I didn't expect you to react any other way, after all."

"Is Sweetness going to get here any time soon? I can't see with all this wood."

JFreak mirrored Toph's impatient stance. "Duh! The entire point! And yeah, she'll be here in a few sec…"

_Crash._

"Let _go_ of me! Who _are _you? What do you want with me? I demand to be given at least an explanation! Give me my water-skin back and I'll give you something to talk about! Wha—Toph?"

Scotty forced the waterbender in before him, and tied her, still struggling, to the chair. The entire time, she glared at the earthbender like she was the lowest slime in the gutters of the world.

Toph crossed her arms. "It's not what you think, Sugar Queen, trust me. I had to agree to not smash anyone's heads together to be allowed to _not _be tied to that circulation-cutting post…I can't tell you how hard it is _not _to crush something right now. Especially one head in particular." Her eyes shifted toward a certain hostess.

Katara ignored her explanation. "Yeah, sure. How much did they pay you?"

JesusFreak stepped up. "Hey, we're a completely honest…if very insane…bunch. She's not being paid, and neither are you. We'll let you go after…"

IB sat up, finally catching his breath. "Ooh! Ooh! Can I say it?"

JFreak frowned, looking at her watch. "NO, you can't say it! You're still supposed to be down for another twenty-eight seconds!"

ImaginaryBender hopped up. "Ha! I beat you're estimate! That earns me the right!"

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes, it does!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

JesusFreak punched IB in the gut again, but more gently this time. The twin collapsed to the ground, groaning…yet again, cursing under his breath.

"Let's just get on with this," Toph rolled her eyes. "Hurry up and do your thing. I want to get back to the Western Air Temple."

JesusFreak nodded, glancing around. "Of course, where's that jar?"

_Squeak._

"Ah! Ratty! There you are…the review jar, do you know where it is? Oh, I see it!"

_Squeak._

"It is so too behind you! You're not big enough to hide that thing, you know."

_Squeak._

"GASP! How dare you call me such a terrible name! I am _not_!"

Katara muttered under her breath. "Sudden disturbing flashback…"

Toph grinned, crossing her arms and shifting her weight with a roll of her sightless green eyes. "Yeah, I've had a lot of those in the past few days, too, Sugar Queen."

Behind them, the argument between Ratty and JesusFreak continued, unbroken.

_Squeak._

"Okay, fine, I am. But that doesn't excuse your name-calling! Let me have the jar, please? I need it!"

_Squeak!_

"Why should I buy you a cappuccino? I don't think you deserve it!"

_Squeak…_

"Oh. Well, that's true, but I only admit it grudgingly!"

_Squeak!_

"Restraining order? What?! That's not fair! You live under my house and my rules…you will _not _sue me!"

_Squeal, squeak!_

"Please, Ratty?"

_Squeak!_

"Fine, fine! I'll change your darn name! What do you want to be called?"

_Squeak. _Ratty gestured wildly toward Toph.

JesusFreak crossed her arms. "You want _her _to choose? Why would she come up with a better name than _me?_"

_Squeak._

"You don't _trust _me?! After all I've done for you?"

_Squeak, squeak!_

JFreak massaged her temples. "I'm _sorry, _okay? I'll let Toph rename you, and I give my word that I'll buy you a cappuccino."

_Squeak._

JF sighed dramatically. "Fine, with big marshmallows too. You're going to be bouncing off the walls, you know."

_Squeak._

"'Speaking of which…?' Oh, please don't bring that up again! I didn't _mean _to throw you, okay? I wasn't thinking about what I was doing."

_Squeak._

"'I'll say?' What's _that _supposed to mean?!"

_Squeak, squeaker._

"Okay, Toph?" JesusFreak turned to the Earthbender, who inclined her head in acknowledgement. "Will you figure out a name for him?"

The earthbender shrugged, pondering a moment, her index finger tapping her cheek. "How about…oh, I don't know…Daichi?"

_Squeak?_

Toph cocked her head. "What'd he say?"

JFreak smiled. "He asked what it meant."

"It means 'great intelligence.' Just the first thing that popped into my head, it's nothing special."

_Squeak!_

JesusFreak nodded. "Yeah, you're right, newly-named Daichi, it _is_ cool."

_Squeak._

"Right…I'll get to the first question."

IB slid into his chair, glaring. "Would you _stop _that?"

JFreak glanced at him, completely lost. "Stop what?"

"Slugging me!"

JesusFreak shrugged. "You're the one who set up FallShort and left her! I may not like her as a co-host, but she's still my sister, and you messed with her! _I'm _the only one who is allowed to mess with her! Besides, that conversation is long over!"

"She's _my _sister too!"

"I said that conversation is over! You're a guy. Guys can't mess with their sisters, because they don't know _how _to get into their minds."

"We do too!"

"Fine, you win. What am I thinking right now?"

"That you're right and I'm wrong and I'm an idiot for thinking I'm right."

JFreak nudged Daichi…formerly called Ratty, with a smirk. "Wow, he's good."

_Squeak._

"I don't need your input, Ra—I mean Daichi."

_Squeak._

"I'm working on it! Here I go!"

Katara, who was staring with silent horror on the entire scene of squabbling people, sat, still tied to the chair, mortified with confusion and annoyance.

"Everyone in the audience, Toph, IB, listen up! Katara, here's the first question."

The waterbender interrupted. "What is this, some type of play?"

JesusFreak smiled. "A play in front of millions of people, yep."

Katara glanced over the small group of people in the studio audience. "That's hardly millions of people."

JesusFreak sighed. "Toph, would you mind?" she gestured toward the earthbender, and then toward the character chair.

The metalbender rolled her eyes. "Like I have a choice. Okay, Sweetness, here's how it works. See that box over there with the little red light thingy on it? I can't see it, I just have to take their word that it's there, and as far as I know they aren't lying about it."

Katara nodded. "I see it. What's so special about it?"

Toph crossed her arms. "Well, apparently, and again, this is as far as I know, because they don't seem to be lying…the box is a thing that portrays this 'show' as they call it, to millions of people sitting around the world in their houses."

The waterbender looked from Toph to JesusFreak and back again. Then she rolled her eyes. "Yeah, _right._ That's the most ridiculous thing I've _ever _heard. And I live with Sokka. _Sokka._"

Toph nodded. "I _completely _understand where you're coming from with that…"

JesusFreak interrupted. "Right…yeah, we all know where you're coming from. Let's get on with the questions shall we? IB?"

Her twin nodded, sticking his hand into the review jar and pulling one out. He read it aloud. "From Glitterpaw of ThunderClan: 'A question for Katara: How much do you hate Zuko? Can't you become friends with him!? And I am not one of the crazy 

people who thinks that you are in love with him. -**Kaliya :D (Glitterpaw of ThunderClan)**

'Another one, this time for Katara, from Marie. Quote: Katara, do you like, like Haru or Jet better? Cuz you totally had a major crush on both of them!! -Marie gasps- DID YOU KISS EITHER OF THEM!? Unquote. Maybe I'll make her submit her own reviews...'" IB looked up. "Yeah, Marie, submit your own reviews! My sis accepts anons, if you don't have an account!"

JesusFreak nodded. "Yeah, so all you people, PLZ FREAKING REVIEW!"

Toph smirked. "Okay, Freakazoid, don't hyperventilate now…"

JFreak sighed melodramatically. "Aw, darn…Katara, are you going to answer the questions, or just keep staring at me like I'm a Buzzard-bee?"

The waterbender gaped. "I'll just keep staring at you, thank you."

IBender frowned. "You'd better answer, or we'll have to break out that TV again. Not pleasant, I have to tell you."

Toph blinked. Uncharacteristic fear shone in her eyes. "I think you better answer, Katara. They used it on Azula and…" she shuddered. "It…it wasn't pretty."

The waterbender stared. "You guys got _Azula _here? Whose side are you _on, _anyway?"

"Nobody's!" JesusFreak grinned. "We don't want to seriously hurt any of you…we'll let Bryke do that."

"Who's…oh, never mind." Katara sighed, "I'll just answer the questions."

IBender nodded expectantly, clapping with excitement.

The waterbender gave him an odd stare before continuing. "Anyway…the first question…this is my answer: On a scale from one to ten, I give my hate for Zuko a twenty thousand."

A roar of anger from the Zutara section cut her off. From the designated Rabid Zuko Fan girl section, there was a lot of foaming at the mouth. ImaginaryBender quashed their nose with a foghorn.

After a moment of hesitation, and a bit of encouragement from JesusFreak, Katara went on. "For…for Aang's sake…I'd tolerate for him, but _no, _I'd NEVER be friends with him. Not for the entire world. Spirits, not for _hundreds _of worlds."

"Aw," JesusFreak smiled sadly. "You really ought to give Zuko more credit than that…he's not heartless, just very mixed up and waiting for his brain to catch up with the rest of his life."

A soft cheer went up from the Zuko-admiring section. JesusFreak was currently a member of this admiring group, and she enjoyed it. Not to be confused with the rabid fan girls section, these people liked Zuko and his character, and often delved deeper into inferences about him, but they definitely weren't crazed, and they did have a life other than simply Zuko. Like Sokka, for instance. Some of the Zuko admirers liked him too. Or Aang.

Katara, after another moment's pause, picked up speed again. "And, for the second question, Haru or Jet _better? _That's hardly a fair question. Haru's a wonderful guy, and I trust him and like him. Jet…" she paused, swallowing over the lump in his throat. "As far as we know, he was killed by Long Feng. Protecting Aang. If that isn't a 

worthy death, I don't know what is. If it weren't for him…well, if Aang hadn't broken the hypnosis hold on Jet…he probably wouldn't have died. But which is better? Live a life of lies and brain-washing? Or die defending the last hope of the world?"

The studio was silent, each person feeling the weight of her words.

It was then that the waterbender shattered the mood with a simple remark. "_Kiss them? _Why does everyone accuse me of being a _player_?"

The audience laughed, and JesusFreak smiled. "I haven't the slightest idea," the hostess remarked, laughter sparkling on her face.

IB nodded. "Right…next question! From **Darkwrite**: 'Questions for Katara:  
• did someone drop Sokka on his head when he was born or something?'"

The waterbender blinked. "Actually, there's a funny story…"

**Ten Minutes Later.**

"…and that's when Sokka fell through the ice. He was only two years old. I don't remember it, because I was a baby. My dad said Sokka was never the same after that. He became somehow…paranoid. Not that I remember him being any other way. I mean, seriously. He's Sokka."

IBender chuckled. "That's hilarious! I can't believe they didn't put that in the show! It would have been so funny to see him."

JFreak shrugged. "Too far from the important timeline, I guess. I have to agree, though, it would've been some knee-slapping awesum-ola-ness!"

Toph nodded. "Yeah, imagining Snoozles like that…" she laughed.

IB read aloud another question. "This is also from Darkwrite…

'• (please make sure Toph is here for this on) who do you want to date? Aang, Zuko, or Jet?'"

The audience looked on with anticipation.

Katara stared at IB in disbelief.

And stared.

And stared.

And stared.

And stared some more.

After an even longer moment, she blinked. "What kind of question is _that?_"

Suddenly, Toph erupted into uncontrollable laughter, breaking the silence.

She laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed.

And laughed some more.

When she finally stopped, everyone was looking at her with curiosity glowing in their eyes. She took no notice. "Haha…that was a good one…even better than the one Aang made about Sokka being normal. Haha…_really_!"

There were scattered groans throughout the audience.

JesusFreak coughed.

Katara sighed, casting a sideways glance at Toph. "I mean…it's really an unfair question!"

Toph smirked. "That's right…make your excuses!"

Shooting an annoyed glare toward the earthbender, Katara went on. "Everyone…at least I _assume _that everyone knows…I _despise _Zuko. And Jet…Jet is dead. And…we're _in the middle of a war. _Hardly a time for the Avatar to think about things like _that._"

Someone in the crowd shouted, "So that means you _won't _date Aang?!"

The audience erupted into a rumble of mixed felt comments.

"What if Jet _isn't _dead?"

"You can hardly count Zuko out! He'll grow on you, you'll see!"

"ZUTARA FOREVER!"

"Save your breath, it'll NEVER HAPPEN!"

"KATAANG HAS ALREADY HAPPENED!"

"Katara doesn't love him back!"

"JETARA LIVES ON!"

"Jet's _DEAD, _you bozo! It doesn't 'live on!'"

"WHOO Tokka!"

Suddenly, the entire place fell silent. Everyone stared at the last guy to speak.

Toph rolled her eyes. "Totally out of place, dude!" she called out. "And besides, there is no such thing!"

That started the Tokkians up shouting, and it took JesusFreak a grand total of almost fifteen minutes to stop the shipping wars.

"HEY! _HEY! _Do you all want me to pull out the EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION?!"

The entire room fell deathly quiet.

IB grinned, from his place behind the table. He held the review jar. "Well, that bluff worked."

JesusFreak turned on him, a malicious gleam in her eye. "Who's _bluffing? _Now read the next MONKEYING question!"

IB held up his hands in surrender. "All right, all right…Here's Darkwrite's last question: '• if water bending depends on a constant source of water, doesn't that make it weaker then air, fire, and earth which are ALWAYS around or can be in fire's case conjured.

Now please allow me five minutes on the show to shave her head and draw a monkey on the back of it... maybe it was a BAD idea to drink liquid sugar b4 reviewing.'"

Toph snorted. "I'll say. What was it, a Monster?"

JFreak stared at her. "How do _you _know what a Monster is?"

The earthbender shrugged. "I pick up more things than most people. That and the fact that Scotty was _talking _to me yesterday when I was in my cell. He said he drank a Monster. How you make a vicious beast into a _drink_, I'll never know, but it made him really off-the-wall hyper."

IB gaped. "Scotty _TALKED?!_"

JF nodded in agreement. "Yeah, FallShort being _interesting _is more believable than _that._ But I'm no lie detector. That's _your _job. So what's the point of interrogating you further? Let's just get on with it. Next question, IB?"

ImaginaryBender nodded, and dug around in the jar. Pulling out another slip of paper, he read it. "This one's from **Kittiekat10105:** 'Katara: Do you love Aang? BE TRUTHFUL!'"

When the shippers broke out into heated whispers, JesusFreak glared at them until they were silent.

Katara shrugged, and everyone either cringed or leaned forward with anticipation. They all knew what was coming, whether they liked it or not.

"Of course I love him. He's like a little brother!"

JesusFreak groaned.

IB groaned.

The entire audience groaned.

Some of the Zutarians snickered, but even _they_ were exasperated with her obliviousness.

Toph smirked, but said nothing.

JFreak noticed. "Toph…what's up?"

The earthbender blinked. "What? What would be up?" she grinned deviously.

JF crossed her arms. "I know that look! It's your 'I-know-something-you-don't-know' look! Tell me what it is!"

Toph mirrored JFreak's position, crossing her arms stubbornly. "No."

"You signed a contract!" JesusFreak slammed her fist down on the conference table.

The metalbender blinked, and after a moment, stated, "No I didn't. I can't even _write!_"

JF shrugged. "Oh, well, it was worth a try…" she glanced over her shoulder at her brother. "Next question, IB?"

Her twin chose another review from the jar. "This one's from **Michelle, the anon:** 'Katara: I know Zuko doesn't like like you, but do you like like him?'"

Katara would've clapped a hand to her forehead if her arms hadn't been restrained. She blinked in annoyance. "I thought I made that clear earlier? Didn't I? Or did I miss something?"

JesusFreak waved a hand, yawning. "Oh, give her a break. Everyone wonders. Sometimes _I _wonder what makes people wonder those crazy things…but then again…yeah, anyway, well…next question!"

IBender obliged with a nod. "Next one…from **FireNutZuko:** 'To Katara: Why are you SO dang motherly?'"

The waterbender glared. "_Motherly? _I am not!"

Everyone stared.

"De-ni-al!" JesusFreak called out in a singsong voice.

Katara glared.

JF glared back.

After several minutes, the waterbender averted her eyes.

JFreak sniffed and leaned back against the table, her arms crossed and a smirk of triumph on her face. "That's what I thought. IB…take it away."

"Take what away?"

JF rolled her eyes. "Next question, you oaf!"

"Oh. Okay." He pulled out the next review. "From **Kataragirl11:** 'Katara. Do you really like Aang? Did you two really kiss in the Cave of Two Lovers? And what was with the Fire Nation disguise was it for Aang? These are the questions that haunt me...'"

The waterbender groaned. "Apparently, they haunt me too! Why is everyone so interested in me and Aang?"

"Aang and _I_," IBender corrected.

Katara stared. "What?"

IB shrugged. "The right way to say it is Aang and _I._"

JFreak stared. "You have spent _way _too much time with FallShort."

ImaginaryBender rolled his eyes.

JF pointed at him. "_See?! _That's what she does! All the time!"

Toph coughed. "Uh…guys, please not another sibling argument. Can we get on with this? Only a bit more, and I can go eat. I'm starving. What about you, Daichi?"

_Squeak._

"Ditto…to whatever it was you said."

JesusFreak nodded, and leaned across the table. She stuffed her hand in the review jar and pulled out the last review. "Here it is… from **Mramirez1991**: I have a question for Katara: If it meant protecting the world, would you take down Aang or Toph, even after befriending them. ('" The hostess blinked. "Are you _implying _something, Mramirez?"

Toph laughed. "Ooh, yes, I'm going to join the Fire Lord against all the friends I've ever known! That's rich!"

Katara shook her head. "I know you wouldn't do that…though our mud fights get pretty vicious at times."

The earthbender smirked. "Yeah…I can't deny that. Mud-slinging is awesome! Especially when it happens to hit Sugar Queen in the face! Whoo!"

The waterbender blinked. "Touché."

JesusFreak's foot tapped on the wooden stage. "So…hypothetically speaking…are you going to answer the question, Katara?"

The girl that was prisoner of her chair sighed. "Whatever. I trust Aang completely…he would never do anything willingly to hurt us…Toph…well, she's just…Toph. But she wouldn't betray us. If either of them did…which is doubtful…I don't know…now that I think about it, I don't think I could bring myself to fight them. Of course, sparring is different…"

"And our mud fights," Toph added brightly.

"Right…" Katara nodded. "And our mud fights. We argue and get angry sometimes…"

Toph cut her off. "You do especially…"

Katara clenched her teeth and went on, "But we never mean the cruel things we say."

"At least, _you _don't." Toph smirked.

Katara glared.

JF and IB exchanged amused glances.

JFreak hopped up to sit on the conference table…and started to make funny noises until everyone was staring at her blankly.

"Finally!" she sighed after several ongoing hushed whispers in the back had all at once ceased. "I was starting to think you would never shut up!"

IB stood up excitedly. "Is it the end of the show? Cause I have an orthodontist appointment today that I can't miss!"

JFreak stared. "You'd rather go to the _orthodontist _than stay here and get beat up by _me?_ Wonders never cease."

IBender raised an eyebrow. "Right…yeah. Anyway, can you say 'bye' and get this over with so I can go?"

JF waved dismissively. "Fine, fine. Keep your pants on, Jumpy." She turned to the camera. "Okey-dokey, every buddy! This is the part of the show where I say: Get lost all you couch potatoes! Go outside and do something _fun _for once! Oh, IB, did I tell you about FallShort's invention?"

"What invention?"

JF smirked. "The one that lets me punch people _through _their television screen!" Diving behind the desk, the hostess dragged out a huge metal contraption. "See, all you have to do is press this red button, and…"

Toph jumped forward suddenly. "Cool! Something to bend!" The earthbender promptly grabbed and smashed the large steel _thing _and bended it into a sharp knife-looking thing. Then she slashed at the ropes holding Katara and grabbed the waterbender by the arm and sprinted offstage. "Come on, Sweetness! I know where the portal is!"

"Portal? What portal?"

"To get out of here, you dunce!"

_Crash._

_Smash._

"Take that, you burly talkative man on drugs!"

_Boom._

_Thud. _

"Ha ha! Feel the awesome power of my metalbending of doom!"

_Clink._

_Shatter._

Katara's voice rang out. "Toph, you're starting to sound like Sokkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"

_Silence._

JF turned back to the audience. "Whelp, folks…that's all for today! Tune in next time for the grandest finale of all Grand Finales in the past, present, or future! Bye!"

She ducked a flying projectile zooming by.

The mangled piece of metal hit ImaginaryBender full-force on the side of the head. He collapsed without a sound.

JFreak chuckled sheepishly. "Heh heh…whoops!"

_Bleep._

* * *

**A/N:** Jessica is a 'cover name' for my older sister's good friend who recently moved away last summer. It is not her actual name.


	12. NOT Leftovers!

_**NOT**_ Leftovers!

**A/N:** Finally the Finale! (lol) Yippee! This last chapter is pretty long and majorly packed with insane-ness! Apologies so much to all of you who have waited so long for this to be posted! I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it! This chapter, in all honesty, took me around a month and a half to write in its entirety. Please excuse any mistakes that are in it, I did a relatively quick check-over of it, with no beta, so that I could get it up before school started.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar or any of the characters in it. The answers from the characters in this fic are purely up for interpretation, as they are just my suspicions for what will occur on the actual show.

* * *

"You did _WHAT?!_"

To say JesusFreak was mad…was paralleling a T-Rex's size to the size of an ant.

She was _way beyond _mad. She was even beyond _furious. _

And in FallShort's opinion, it was surprisingly understandable.

ImaginaryBender had really goofed this time, and he was about to realize just _how much _he had messed up.

Most of the audience members hovered somewhere between utter terror and horrified fascination at the scene on the stage before them. No longer was there a simple, single 'Character Chair.' Now, there were a total of ten identical chairs, confining a total of ten _very _unhappy people.

Yes, you heard right. Ten people. And their names were, in order from left to right: Sokka, Aang, Toph, Katara, Azula, Zuko, Iroh, Suki, Ty Lee, and Mai.

IB cringed under the furious gaze of his twin. "I just brought all of them to the set…you said it would be a grand finale…and I thought, what's grander than having all the main characters of the Avatar cast here?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT'S GRANDER?!" JesusFreak shouted at the top of her lungs, causing everyone present to wince as the sound waves from her voice smacked their ears with the force of the ocean breakers against a beach of what was once solid stone. The hostess quivered with rage, and all the characters, including those three that were new to the show, stared at her with unblinking interest. "YOU KNOW WHAT'S _GRANDER_?"

Everyone leaned forward in their chairs expectantly. Well, everyone who didn't have ropes restraining their chests and shoulders to their chairs…that is.

JesusFreak glared at her brother, and her voice suddenly dropped to a menacingly low volume, almost so that everyone had to strain to hear. "Do you know what's _grander _than this?" she practically whispered.

IB had barely enough time to shake his head by the time JesusFreak erupted into his face. "I KNOW WHAT'S GRANDER!! DARKWRITE!"

FallShort crossed her arms, perplexed, when her sister stopped. "What does he have to do with this?"

JesusFreak spun on her. "BECAUSE," she shouted, "Because he asked to do something in this show that sounds VERY appealing right now!"

"Shave Katara's head?" IBender piped up, suddenly feeling a lot less threatened.

There was an audible gasp of indignant anger from a certain waterbender.

"NO," JFreak spoke loudly, "Shave her head _and _draw a monkey on it."

"_What?_" two voices squeaked to extremely high pitches, filled with utter rage. Aang and Sokka. Go figure.

Toph laughed.

The other three members of the gaang stared at the earthbender with a mixture of horror and anger on their faces. Sokka glared. "I don't see what you find so hilarious, Toph!"

"Cool it, Snoozles," the metalbender chuckled, "She's not going to do it. To Sweetness, anyways."

"Too bad," muttered Mai from a few chairs down, "It would've been more interesting than _this._"

"Than what?" Sokka piped sardonically, "Don't you think sitting tied to these chairs is fun? I think it's absolutely wonderful! Don't mind any of our pressing duties or important occupations we have…let's just all sit down, in a line, in some random building, to succumb to the will of people we _don't even know!_" By the time he finished, the tribesman was almost hyperventilating, overcome with hysteria.

Aang, ignoring the budding argument between his fellow characters, twisted in the confines of his chair to get a better look at his earthbending teacher, who sat beside him with an amused look on her smug face. "Who is she going to do it to?" he asked her with honest curiosity.

Toph shrugged her bound shoulders, a knowing smirk growing on her face.

IB's eyes widened when every single character turned to look at him. He glanced worriedly toward his sisters, who gazed at him with identical evil glints in their eyes. Azula smiled cruelly, only barely suppressing an evil cackle, Ty Lee and Suki exchanged horrified glances, and Iroh looked on with disapproval. Mai sighed, bored.

IBender backed up, placing his hands over his head protectively. "Oh-no, please don't, I beg you!"

JFreak rolled her eyes. "You've already got a buzz-cut that makes you look like a fuzzy baby chicken. Consider this a favor, from yours truly. Maybe we can even draw you a third eye, and you can go around calling yourself Combustion Man's Mini Me!" She glanced at FallShort. "Got the sharpies?"

Her older sister pulled a pack of ten various colored permanent markers out of the pocket of her jeans with a grin. "Right here."

"Good. Now…I would've liked to perform this challenge myself, but unfortunately, FallShort and I have a show to do. So, I'm turning over the privilege to…"

She paused for dramatic effect.

Horrified silence ensued.

JFreak smiled. "I'm turning the pens over to…Toph!!"

With a flourish, Scotty, who had seemingly materialized behind the earthbender's chair, slashed at her bonds with Sokka's boomerang, and everyone in the studio watched as they fell to the floor. All the other characters stared at her, wide-eyed.

Toph jumped up, actual excitement written over her features. She pumped a fist in the air. "Really? Sweet!"

Suddenly, a voice of protest was heard from the crowd.

"_What?_ This was _Darkwrite's _idea! Why can't he do it? She doesn't even know what a monkey _looks _like! And she can't even _see _to do it!"

Before JesusFreak could even yell at the interrupter to shut his pie-hole, Toph intervened. "Willing to bet on that?"

The audience member crossed his arms. "Are you kidding me? You can't even use the money we have, or vise versa!"

Toph shrugged. "Your loss!"

"I'll take it!"

It was Sokka.

The earthbender turned to stare toward the warrior with a perplexed gaze. "Snoozles, you seriously are going to bet I can't draw a monkey-whatever on this guy's head?"

IB quivered.

Sokka shrugged. "Eh, sure, why not? If I can't get anything else out of this escapade, maybe I can earn a few coins. I'll bet you all I have in my pocket."

FallShort crossed her arms skeptically. "How much is that, two cents?"

The warrior glared. "I have more sense than you think, thank you. And no, actually, I have a copper piece and three silver pieces in my right pant pocket. Would anyone mind getting them for me?"

Toph grunted with a 'what-the-monkey' shrug and stepped forward. She stuck her hand into the pocket of his pants and pulled out exactly the amount he had said. Three silver pieces and a copper piece.

JesusFreak decided to be the bookkeeper for this particular bet, and moved forward. "Hand over the monkey money, Toph, and you can be on your way."

"Ha," Sokka laughed unexpectedly, "Monkey money."

Everyone turned to stare at him.

"What? It was…"

"Funny," FallShort interrupted. "Yeah, Sokka, we all know. And according to book one chapter five of Avatar: The Last Airbender (aka The Legend of Aang), Kangaroo Island is funny, too."

Sokka stared. "What is _with _you people? Stalkers! Ugh!"

Aang snickered and inclined his head toward Katara. "Haha, Kangaroo Island. Remember that?"

The waterbender frowned distractedly at him, clearly thinking it was a bad time to reminisce, and Aang shrank back and averted his eyes apologetically.

JesusFreak nodded approvingly toward Katara, despite the cold glare she received in return. "Yep, it's weird. One moment, FallShort is blowing off your show as a pointless waste of energy, and the next, she's memorized the chronology of the episodes and millions upon millions of quotes. Of course, I've done that too, but it's not as strange for me, because I'm an obsessive person. She's not, and usually distances herself from TV programs like yours. In other words, she concentrates more on utterly boring shows."

"The History and Discovery Channels are _not _boring!" her older sister protested.

JesusFreak stared.

The entire audience stared.

Scotty and Bob the Cameraman stared.

Almighty God and Jesus at his right hand in Heaven stared.

"What are the History and Discovery Channels?"

Everyone's attention shifted to the character who had asked the question. It was Suki.

IB shuddered. "You don't want to know," he replied quietly.

JesusFreak was beginning to get a little bit freaked out in the silence, and she suddenly belted out an enormously loud, "ANY-WHO! Let's get on with the monkeying, shall we?"

The audience broke out of their trance and blinked.

"Toph? Will you do the honors?"

"Gladly!" The blind earthbender responded

Without further ado, she stalked straight toward IB, grabbing hold of the collar of his shirt in one hand and the sharpies from JF in the other. Then the earthbender dragged JFreak's twin, struggling and pleading, offstage. Scotty followed her.

"The clipper is in the drawer furthest to the left!" FallShort called after the trio, and then sat back in her chair with a contented sigh. "So…" she drawled, "Do you want to go on with the leftovers?"

"_Shhhh!_" JF hissed angrily. "This show is _not _for leftovers! What are you talking about, woman?"

FallShort glanced up at her sister, and after a moment, she shrugged nonchalantly. "Whatever you say. Just leave me out of your lies and get the jar."

Grumbling, JFreak performed a backwards roll off the end of the table, and neatly ducked underneath, and then hopped back up with the famous review jar.

"BEHOLD! THE MIGHTY…"

FallShort swiped the jar from her grip with a pointed glare. "Don't start that again. Let's just get this over with. Here we go…" she stuck her arm into the jar and pulled out a slip of paper. "The first review is from the anon **LAVAGAL22:** 'SOKKA, HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH YOUR SACASTIC REMARKS? DO YOU JUST SIT THERE AND THINK UP PUNCH LINES? AND DO YOU HAVE OTHER FEELINGS EXCEPT FRIENDSHIP TOWARDS Toph?'"

JesusFreak rolled her eyes and made an annoyed sound with her lips. "Yet again, the most ridiculous ques…wait, that first one was actually kind of good."

"Well, Sokka?" FallShort prompted, and all eyes trained on the warrior, who was tied to his chair and looking quiet annoyed.

Katara glanced toward her brother with genuine interest in what he had to say. "Well, Sokka?" she repeated, "Do you?"

The warrior glanced at her innocently. "Do I what?"

Katara rolled her eyes.

Suki leaned forward. "Sokka, seriously, how _do _you think up all those random jokes smack in the middle of the squalls we get ourselves into?"

The water tribesman turned his head to look at his girlfriend. He shrugged. "I don't know. I guess they just…come to me. Why would I sit around thinking up jokes all the time when we have a world to save? That's ridiculous!"

"It is a little ridiculous, but I understand…" Katara murmured in a knowing voice, almost to herself rather than her brother.

Aang stifled a laugh.

There were scattered snickers among the members of the audience.

Sokka glared at his sister, completely missing the humor in the situation. He looked to JesusFreak for an explanation. She shrugged. "You had to have been there."

After composing herself, the hostess turned to the audience. "Well, it seems that everyone got the point of that except for Sokka…so…_moving on_..."

"Right," FallShort nodded in agreement. She shoved her hand back into the review jar and pulled out another slip of paper. "The next couple questions are from Glitterpaw of Thunderclan! She…"

"HI, KALIYA!" JFreak squealed.

FallShort blinked. "That was kind of scary…right…anyway…Glitterpaw writes: 'So, I was thinking last night and I thought of the foaming mouth guy! Question for him: Do you have rabies or something? It's slightly creepy…'"

"What a coincidence that you asked that, Glitterpaw!" JF exclaimed. "Because we've though we don't have the guy here with us, we've arranged to interview him via the webcam we set up on Kyoshi Island!"

"That's right," FallShort affirmed, gesturing to a large white projector screen that was hanging at the back of the set. "That was a pain to put up," the older hostess grumbled, "So this better be good."

"Oh, it will be," JesusFreak nodded enthusiastically, hopping up and down excitedly to prove her point. "Get ready for the interview _of a lifetime!_"

"Calm down," FallShort rolled her eyes. "It won't be _that _epic."

"Sure, sure," JesusFreak taunted. She didn't dwell on it, however, instead focusing her energy on whipping a small remote out of her pocket.

The audience (the loudest of all was Azula) gasped in horror.

JF laughed. "Don't worry, scaredy-cats, this isn't a TV remote. It's for our projector. Lights please?"

At her request, the studio lights dimmed until the entire audience section was hidden in shadow, and on the stage, only very soft white light shone on the characters. A small _beep _was heard, and the projector screen lit up…in blue. The white lettering on the screen read 'Loading…please wait.'

"Ugh," FallShort's groan was heard from the darkness. "Stupid thing. We have to give it a sec to boot up. Hold on, people."

"I think," came JFreak's voice, "That this is a good time to play that jeopardy sound track that I bought last year!"

"Oh-no!" FallShort warned, but before she could protest further, another _beep _was heard, and the dreaded Jeopardy song began to play.

FS groaned. Though the lights didn't allow much visibility, it was likely that JFreak was grinning like an idiot.

"Would you rather me play the 'Secret Tunnel' song that I recorded?"

"No!" FallShort cried immediately.

"Yes!" sections of the crowd exclaimed simultaneously.

"Wait!" Sokka interrupted. Everyone became quiet, and turned to look at him. "_The _Secret Tunnel song? _That _Secret Tunnel song? The Secret Love Cave song? The labyrinth, you'll-be-lost-forever-if-you-don't-trust-in-love song?"

"Yep!" JFreak affirmed excitedly.

"Oh, come on!" The warrior threw his head back in exasperation, slamming it into the back of his chair. "Ow!" he groaned.

"When was this?" Zuko asked Sokka, speaking for the first time. From the darkness, a few fan girls squealed.

Sokka shook his head and slumped as much as his bonds would allow. "You don't want to know, man…it was scary! Stupid love cave, coming back to haunt me…" he muttered darkly under his breath.

From their chairs, Katara and Aang flushed bright red, exchanging embarrassed glances with each other before shifting their eyes to stare intently down at their bound feet.

"Right…when you two are done reminiscing," JesusFreak commented, gesturing toward the waterbender and the airbender, "Let's find that file." She commenced to press several different buttons on the remote, and a repetitive clicking sound was heard as she apparently skimmed through the music files on the computer.

"Aha," she exclaimed after a few minutes, "Here it is!" Raising her arm in a victorious gesture, she pressed the 'play' button with a flourish. Immediately, the blaring, unmistakable voice of the nomad Chong erupted from the speakers, as well as the _twang _of his stringed instrument and the twinkling sound of Moku's tambourine.

"_Two lovers—forbidden from one another, a war di-vides their peo-ple—and a mountain divides them apart—built a path to be to-gether…yeah, I can't remember the next few lines, but then it goes…Secret Tunnel! Secret Tunnel! Through the mountains! Secret—Secret—Secret—Secret TUNNEL! Yeah!"_

JFreak settled back against the desk with a satisfied shake of her head. "Classic," she sighed, grinned widely up at FallShort.

The older hostess only moaned in reply.

JF's smile widened even more. "Come on, FS! You love that song, just admit it!"

"I don…"

"Yes you do!" JFreak interrupted in a singsong voice.

"I do no…"

"Do too!" JesusFreak sang.

"Do not! I…"

"Just admit it!" JF interrupted again, "This is how you got hooked on Avatar! The first episode you watched all the way through! You love it!"

"Do not! It's the stupidest…"

"Luuuuuve it!"

"Do nooooooot!"

"Yes you dooooooo!"

"No I dooooon't!"

"Do tooooo!"

"You're inSAAAAANE!"

"Don't DEEEEENY it!"

"You're head is screwed on a little too TIIIIIIGHT!"

"You're voice sounds like a dog is DYYYYYYYING!"

"Yours sounds like a TRUCK running over a CAAAAAT!"

"The whole audience is staring at you like your and IIIIIDIOT!"

"I can't believe you're actually still SIIIIINGING!!"

"Your mooooom!"

"My mom is your mom tooooo!"

"_WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP AND MOVE ON??_"

The quarreling sisters covered their ears. Some of the audience members fell out of their chairs, in shock, because of the enormity of the volume of Sokka's yell.

"Whoa…" JFreak blinked a few minutes later. She stuck her index finger in her ear and wiggled it around. "I can't hear _anything_!"

"_What?!_" FallShort yelled.

"I can't hear anything!" JF repeated.

"_What?!_" FS asked.

"_I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING!_" JesusFreak roared down her sister's ear.

"Ouch! No need to yell!" FallShort grumbled, clapping her hand over the ear that her co-hostess had screamed into.

JF's only response was a disgruntled sniff.

Suddenly, a familiar voice erupted from the speakers.

"What is _this _thing? Why are those people walking around in it?"

"One of those people look like Avatar Aang!"

The Avatar in question blinked up at the screen.

"And look! There are his two friends! And…hey! There's Suki! What is she doing in there? I thought the Warriors were at Full Moon Bay!"

Suki frowned.

"Look…there's the angry guy with the big scar that burnt down our village!"

Zuko scowled.

"Who are those other people? They're wearing weird clothes. What do you think this thing is?"

"I don't know. You think it's some type of Fire Nation contraption?"

"No, that's stupid, Koko. How would the Fire Nation have gotten it here without us noticing?"

"I bet one guy could carry this! It doesn't look that heavy to me…"

"Girls! Don't _touch _that thing! You have no idea what it is!"

JesusFreak blinked up at the projector screen. "Hey look," she poked her sister, who was doubled over with the pain in her ears.

"What?" FallShort moaned.

"The projector finally booted up!" JFreak pointed. "We can see Koko and the other girls now. Where's that microphone??" She glanced around, and her eyes settled on the conference table. Cracking her knuckles, she jumped over it and ducked underneath. Loud, clanking, shuffling sounds of junk being shifted around was heard by the audience, and after a few minutes, JF reappeared, a small headset microphone in her hand.

She adjusted it over her ear. "Here it is," she remarked into the mic, glancing up at the screen. The young girls that were seen there fell back with a cry of alarm.

"It talked!" cried one of them.

"Good!" JFreak remarked. "You can hear me?"

"Yeah…" affirmed another of the girls, fear layering her tone.

"That's great!" JesusFreak nodded. "That little round thing on top of the computer…don't touch it. It's a webcam, and it's how we see you!"

A gray-haired man entered the frame. The village leader. "What are you doing? What do you want? And what _is_ this thing?"

"We'll explain later," JesusFreak answered, "But we wanted to know…is the Foaming-at-the-Mouth-Guy there?"

The leader's expression was one of suspicion. "Li? What do you want him for?"

"Well, we didn't know his actual name; we just want to ask him a question for a minute," JF adopted an innocent expression. "Please?"

"Why are you holding the Avatar and his friends' captive? And what are you planning to do with them?"

"Don't worry, we won't hurt any of them, we're just asking them questions, and then we're letting them go!"

"How am I to believe you? When you have one of the Kyoshi Warriors in your clutches?"

"You'll just have to take my word for it…as I have no way to prove it to you. But my word…if nothing else about me…is good, and it's worth something. So…can we please talk to the Foaming-at-the…I mean, Li? Just for a minute?"

The village leader glared at the screen suspiciously, but twitch of his eyebrow, decided that no harm could come in talking…but he would be overseeing every moment.

"I'll return soon, wait a few minutes."

JesusFreak nodded enthusiastically, and the old man disappeared from the screen.

"Great!" the hostess turned to the audience and grinned. "While we're waiting for him to come back with Foaming-at-the-Mouth-Guy, let's read Glitterpaw's last question…FallShort?"

The older hostess nodded. "Kaliya writes: 'And a question for Katara: How much do you hate Zuko? Can't you become friends with him!? And I am not one of the crazy people who thinks that you are in love with him.'"

"People think I'm in _love _with Zuko?!" Katara blurted, her tone was almost to the level of horrified.

"It's official," Sokka muttered, "Everyone here is _insane_ beyond help."

"Normally," FallShort responded, "I would tell you not to be so rude…but I can't honestly do that this time, because what you say is undoubtedly the truth."

"Katara," JFreak prompted the waterbender, who was still wide-eyed with disbelief. "Can you answer the question, please?"

Katara blinked out of her trance. "Wait a minute, I think my ears are malfunctioning. People think that _I'm _in _love _with _Zuko??_" Every other word was punctuated with utter confusion.

"Yep, pretty crazy, huh?" JesusFreak began, but before she could continue, Katara interrupted her, rambling almost to herself.

"I mean, I am able to finally trust him, and I hug him _once, _and now everyone thinks I'm in _love _with him?" She blinked and then turned to gape at Aang.

"What?" the airbender shrunk back.

"How many times have I hugged _you?_"

Aang's eyes widened, and he blinked, shrinking back from the spotlight that Katara that thrust upon him. "I don't _know! _Why are you asking? Don't answer that! Aah!" He winced visibly.

"I'm _not _in love with Zuko!" the waterbender wailed.

"For your sake, I hope you aren't," Mai muttered darkly.

"Guys!" Zuko exclaimed, clearly uncertain how he felt about girls fighting over him.

"You can have him!" Katara countered, hurriedly explaining when she saw the Prince's expression of hurt, "I mean, you're a good friend, and I like you…and everything…but _love? _That is just…okay, I'm weirding myself out right now! Can we please move on? Anyone? Please…? This is embarrassing!"

"Hey," FallShort remarked, "At least we didn't let Darkwrite shave _your _head and draw a monkey. You think _this _is embarrassing? Think again!"

Katara, still wide-eyed, was silent.

"HELLLLOOOO! Anyone there?!"

The voice came blaring through the speakers, and everyone winced.

"Oops!" JesusFreak exclaimed, glancing back up at the screen. "Forgot about something!" she adjusted her headset and spoke into the mic. "Li? Hi!"

"What do you…is that the AVATAR??"

"Yeah, he's…"

"OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Li rose his arms in the air with the yell, white spittle foaming from his mouth as he sank to the ground.

JesusFreak and FallShort stared.

"Uh…"

"_OOOHHHHHHHHH!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_" The entire audience jumped with fright as Li sprung back into the screen, still foaming and yelling. "_OOOOOHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!_"

"_On—ly at Mattress Giant…_" JF and FS sang softly, stifling their giggles.

"_OOOOOHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_"

A few minutes later, Li stood up, wiping his mouth and blinking. "So…what was it you wanted to ask me?"

JesusFreak was still laughing, and FallShort decided to take control of the situation. She grabbed the headset off of her sister's ear and put it on her own. "We wanted to ask you, for a friend of ours…if you had rabies or something. Why do you…foam so much?"

Li blinked self-consciously. "I have over-active salivary glands…I can't help it!"

"Really? That's hilarious!" JF giggled through her laughter, but Li couldn't hear her guffaws, because she didn't have the mic.

FallShort nodded. "I really appreciate you coming just to answer a random question for us, so, thanks! Talk to you later!" The hostess whipped the remote from her laughing sisters hand and turned off the projector. Then she proceeded to return the remote and headset to their proper places.

"So, there you have it," JFreak piped, still half-laughing, "Over-active salivary glands plus lots of excitement and shouting cause the Foaming-at-the-Mouth-Guy to foam. Next review?"

FallShort nodded, picking up the review jar from the desk and stuffing her hand into it, pulling out another slip of paper. "This review is from **Empress Of Pudding,** who writes, '**Suki:**

- Did you ever tell anyone about what happened between you and Toph in the Serpent's Pass?  
- If the Kyoshi warriors ever became like the Huntresses of Artemis and made a rule that the warriors could not be attached to boys, who would you chose- Sokka or the Kyoshi Warriors?  
- Have you ever worn a color other than a shade of green?'"

Everyone's attention turned to the girl sitting in between Iroh and Ty Lee. After a moment, she blinked. "Oh, was I actually supposed to answer that?"

"Yes!" JFreak affirmed exasperatingly. "Everyone else has had to, so why would you be any different?"

The Kyoshi Warrior shrugged. "I don't know. I just…well, anyway…first question…between me and Toph…? Oh, yeah…_that. _I haven't told anyone especially…but everyone who was there saw it…and, why would it matter?"

FallShort shrugged. "I don't know. That's a question for **Empress Of Pudding**, not us."

"Next question?" JF prompted.

"Right," Suki nodded. "The second one. First, I have a question. Who are the Huntresses of Artemis and what do they have to do with me?"

JesusFreak thought a moment. "Well, they're those people, who do those things, and, they can't be attached to guys. So, yeah."

FallShort rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath, "You're so juvenile."

JesusFreak smiled widely. "I'm going to take that as a compliment. And, Suki," the character turned to her, "I think **Empress Of Pudding **made it quite clear about what they had to do with you and the Kyoshi Warriors."

The girl nodded. "I know, I was just curious. Are they from the Earth Kingdom, or somewhere else? Was Artemis a past Avatar?"

"Not exactly," FallShort laughed, "But I think you better just answer the question."

"All right," Suki agreed, "Who would I choose? Eh, that's a tough one." She pretended to be balancing it on her bound hands. "The Kyoshi Warriors?" she held her hands as far up as she could get them, "Or Sokka?" she let her hands drop about an inch.

"Suki!" came the warrior's protesting voice.

The girl shook her head and laughed. "Sokka, I'm just kidding! Of course I'd pick you!"

The tribesman's indignant expression softened. "Really?"

A thoughtful look drew over Suki's face. "Well, it'd be a hard choice, for sure. And I'd miss everyone I grew up with, trained with all my life, and known as long as I can remember…"

"The guilt trip is not necessary, thank you," Sokka remarked dryly, "You know I'd support either choice you made…hypothetically speaking, of course."

"Sokka!" Suki's eyebrow rose.

"Hey, I'm only joking!"

JFreak sighed. "Okay, enough mushy talk, please, I'm getting tired of it! Last question!"

Suki's attention turned back. "Right, right. Have I worn a color other than a shade of green? Yes, of course! When I was at the Boiling Rock prison."

"_Other _than when you were a Fire Nation prisoner?" JF sounded impatient.

"Oh," Suki frowned. "Not that I can really recall…again, why does it matter?"

"Just curious," FallShort replied matter-of-factly. "This is where reviewers ask you guys questions that they don't discover for sure on your show. There are a lot of…"

"Stalkers among you!" Sokka interrupted, but JFreak silenced him with a glare.

FallShort continued, "…_people _who wonder about what goes on in between the lines, and that's why we brought you guys here in the first place."

"That's what you _want _us to think!" Sokka blurted, once again.

"Right, Sokka," JF answered sarcastically, "That's what we _want _you to think."

FallShort intervened, waving a piece of paper in the air. "JF, I'm going to ask the next question, okay? The last one is from **Darkwrite, **who asks, 'Whoever is left:  
•if you could kill anyone in the war who would it be and why?  
•if you were the avatar would you be able to handle the stress?  
•are there people besides the Avatar who use multiple elements?  
•are there only Chinese dragons in your world or are there also European dragons?  
--last and greatest--  
•do you want me to punch one of these guys in the face?  
teleports to the stage and punches IB in the face and laughs before giving JF a giant cookie and going -for lack of better terms- poof'"

JesusFreak thought. "Hmm…well, I think punching IB in the face after giving him the makeover of a lifetime is a little bit overwhelming…I mean, he is my brother. Even if he is a complete weirdo."

"Speak for yourself," FallShort muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Any-who," JFreak went on, glaring at her sister, "Having to go back to school bald and with some form of a monkey on his head will be more than enough embarrassment for one kid. Although...I do like cookies. Can I still have the cookie?"

FallShort frowned. "Hey, what'd you do with the three dozen cookies I baked yesterday?"

JF blinked. "I ate them," she admitted.

"_All _of them?" FS asked.

"Yes," JFreak hung her head. "Your cookies are _sooo _good, though!"

"JF," FallShort scolded, "Those cookies were supposed to be for Mom's birthday tomorrow! Now I have to bake three more batches!"

"Sorry," JFreak apologized, "But they were really good!"

"You're buying all of the ingredients for the next time," FallShort decided.

"Okay…" JesusFreak sighed.

Suddenly, a very loud _crash _erupted from offstage.

"No! I don't want to go out! I don't want to be exposed for the world to see!"

"Too bad, Baldy, you're going! It took me long enough to find your teensy head with the funny buzzing razor thing!"

"You nearly chopped my head off!"

Sokka snickered. "Note to self," he whispered, "Don't let Toph get near anything sharp. Her boulders hurt enough!"

"But I _didn't!_" Toph's voice erupted from stage left as she appeared, dragging a very red-in-the-face IBender behind her. "And that's what counts!"

"I'm _still _bleeding!" ImaginaryBender wailed as Toph yanked him across the stage and flung him in between his sisters.

"There he is," she stated, with a broad smile, and spun around, stalking back to her chair and seating herself. "Yo, Scotty!" she yelled, "Come tie me up!"

The elephant of a man lumbered onto the stage and did her bidding, before retreating once more. "Welp," the earthbender sighed, settling back into her bounds, "That was fun."

IBender covered his head, from where he hid behind JF. "That was _not _fun," he protested, "You cut me _four _times, and then got sharpie in those cuts! If I die from ink poisoning, it's all you guys' fault!"

"Yeah, yeah, IB," JFreak waved him off, "That's great. But right now, we have a few more questions to ask before we're done." She stepped toward the line of characters. "To make this go as smoothly as possible, I'm going to ask each question, and then go down the line. 

Each of you will answer the question in as small of a reply as you can. One-word sentences, phrases, stuff like that. Okay?" The characters bobbed their heads. "Okay. Let's go. First question: If you could kill anyone in the war, who would it be, and why? Sokka, you start."

"Okay," the warrior said, "I'd kill…Combustion Man."

FallShort blinked. "You've already done that, Sokka."

The warrior glanced at her with a '_your point?' _look. "Great, so I'm done."

Before FallShort could say anything else, JF intervened. "Good, now Aang!"

"Uh," the airbender began, "I'd rather not have to kill anyone, but if I had to, I'd kill the Fire Lord. Cuz I'm…"

"Yeah, we know that already," JF cut in, "You're good. Next?"

Toph rolled her eyes. "I…hmm…I'd kill Xin Fu and Master Yu. They're such idiots."

"No fair!" Azula cried, "She shouldn't get to kill two people!"

"That's right," FallShort agreed, "Toph, which one?"

The earthbender rolled her eyes. "Master Yu, then. He's a bigger idiot, and that way I'll still have the pleasure of kicking Xin Fu's butt for the rest of his miserable life."

"Wow, harsh," Mai remarked, clearly bored.

"Wow, next," JFreak turned her attention to Katara.

The waterbender blinked. "Um…can I pass?"

FallShort and JesusFreak exchanged glances. "I guess so," FS decided. "Next person?"

Azula straightened up. "I'd like to have killed the Avatar! I was _this _close! But my plans were foiled by _you…_" the last word was a hiss, and the Princess turned to glare venomously at Katara.

The waterbender blinked. "You're _insane,_" she stated, scooting as far as she could _away _from the crazed Azula.

"I take credit for that!" JF piped. "She went crazy _after _she visited our little studio…and my theory is that the TV torture, as well as Mai and Ty Lee 'betraying' her, caused her to lose her mind."

FallShort looked on with approval, clearly acknowledging that JF's theory was in fact true. Her arms were crossed. Slowly, she brought one arm out of the cross, her fingers curled in a fist. "Knuckle touch?" she asked, grinning.

JFreak balled her fist and tapped it against her sister's. "Wham!" she said, smiling widely. Then, she turned back to the characters. "Zuko! Your turn!"

The Prince's eyes widened. "You expect me to answer a question like _that_?"

Katara leaned forward. "My point _exactly._"

"Hush, your turn is _over,_" JFreak put a finger to her mouth and glared pointedly at Katara, who glared heatedly right on back.

And glared.

And glared.

And glared.

FallShort stepped forward. "While those two are telepathically arguing, let's move on, shall we? Iroh?"

The old general would have scratched his chin, if he hadn't been tied up. "Does beating them in Pai Sho count as _killing?_"

FallShort shrugged. "Next?"

Suki glowered, her teeth clenching. "I can't say, because she's in this room, and apparently fans make flame stronger."

FS nodded. "Right. Next?"

Ty Lee moved her shoulders up and down brightly. "I don't know who I'd kill!"

FallShort gestured to the last and final character. "Who'd you kill, Mai?"

The 'gloomy girl-who-sighs-a-lot' shrugged. "At this rate, I'll be the one I've killed. I'll die from boredom."

FallShort gave her a half smile before turning to the audience. "Right! Next question! IBender, would you do the honors?"

A muffled voice came from underneath the conference desk, where IB had hidden himself during the first round of answers. "No."

FShort rolled her eyes and ducked under the table, dragging her brother out into the open and setting him down on the table. She handed him the review paper. "Just get over it, or I'll have to tie you to a chair like the rest of them. JF!"

Her sister blinked out of her glare.

"Stop staring at Katara and get ready to receive the next answers!"

"Yes Ma'am," JFreak nodded.

"Next question," IB read hesitantly, "If you were the Avatar, would you be able to handle the stress?"

"Sokka!" FallShort pointed to the warrior.

"Sure," Sokka shrugged. "I guess."

"Aang!" JF gestured.

"Um…I guess so?" The airbender looked confused, clearly wondering why he was even being asked.

"Toph!"

"Hero worship, yeah," the earthbender nodded, "Stress…you know what earth does under stress!"

"It breaks?" IB guessed.

"No, you idiot!" Toph corrected, "It makes _earthquakes!_"

"Katara!" JFreak looked at the waterbender.

"I don't think I could handle it," she began, "I mean, all the…"

"THAT'S good enough," JesusFreak interrupted. "Azula!"

"Stress?" the Princess laughed, "I'd have killed myself a hundred years ago, so it doesn't matter!"

"Right…" FallShort blanched. "Zuko!"

"And have to face my own father? I've done that twice, and I don't plan on doing it again!" the Prince sniffed.

"Iroh!" JFreak spun around.

The old general thought a moment. "I hardly think I, even with my age, would be able to handle it. I would much rather drink tea!"

"Suki!" IB pointed.

"I wouldn't," the Kyoshi Warrior shook her head.

"Ty Lee!"

"Nope!"

"Mai!"

"It'd be too boring."

"Next question!" JF grinned. "Can others besides the Avatar bend more than one element? This is for all of you, answer if you feel like it!"

"No!" Katara shook her head. "That's impossible."

"But," Sokka cut in, "What if there were two different benders that married?"

"Has that ever even happened?" Ty Lee asked.

"I don't think so," Suki replied, uncertain.

"I think that if two benders had kids," Sokka continued, "That there might be multiple benders."

"No, that's impossible!" Zuko cut in. "I think whichever element was dominant would come out on top."

"But which elements are dominant over others?" Aang asked.

"Fire is the ultimate power!" Azula cackled.

"In your dreams, Sparkbender," Toph insulted, "Earth is the best and the strongest!"

Azula fumed.

"I think it may be in order of the Avatar Cycle," Sokka cut in. "Think about it. Water, Earth, Fire, Air."

"All the Air Nomads were benders, though, Sokka," Katara interrupted. "So why would they be the least dominant?"

"Maybe it's the Avatar Cycle backwards," Aang offered.

"You're just saying that because your element would be on top," Azula accused.

"It makes sense to me," Suki stated. Azula glowered.

"OKAY!" JF intervened. "Enough talk! As much as I'd love to go into an in-depth debate on this, that's work for another time! So, next question! Are there European dragons in the Avatar Universe as well as Chinese dragons?"

"What are Chinese dragons?" Zuko asked.

"What are Eur-opee-an dragons?" Aang question, puzzled.

FallShort shook her head. "Never mind. JF? Is that it?"

"Yep," JFreak nodded. "Now that all the questions are done, I have to tell you something. Listen…" she leaned over, jumping up to sit to IBender's left on the conference table. She whispered into her co-hostess' ear. Everyone waited in anticipation.

"You did _WHAT_?"

JesusFreak swung her legs like pendulums from where she sat on the desk, grinning deviously. "I told you already that it would be risky! That's why…" she reached under the desk, "…I brought…"

She dragged out an extremely long, heavy object in a case from beneath the conference table with a grunt of effort. FallShort had to duck to avoid being whacked on the head as her sister swung it around and set it on the larger end on the floor, propping it up between her knees as she sat.

"…this!"

The older girl's eyes widened with shock. "Dad's _rifle_?"

JF shrugged. "Like I said…risky. And this beats firebending any day! Kills faster, too!"

FallShort stared.

JFreak rolled her eyes. "Don't worry. If worst comes to worst, I'll shoot him in the leg (the one that's not metal)—or possibly the arm (that's not metal)…and if I miss…well, you apparently have like an hour to bring someone back before they die for good…I mean, look at Aang!" She gestured wildly to the airbender, who sat in his chair, gaping at the hostess like every other person in the studio. He blinked in surprise when he realized that she was talking about him.

"…he was dead for like five minutes, and look at him now!"

The airbender flushed in embarrassment when everyone's attention shifted to him.

FallShort placed her palms on the table. "But JFreak…_Combustion Man? _He's going to _obliterate_ us all in two seconds!"

JF nodded thoughtfully. "That's why I've arranged to have his feet and hands tied with rope and him sedated with this very strong drug…that'll give us about four seconds to scream _before _he obliterates us all." She grinned, and FallShort slapped her forehead.

"I _really _don't think that's a good idea," piped IB hesitantly from his place on the desk.

JFreak glared in his direction. "No one's going to take you seriously with _that _on your head."

IBender reddened, covering the source of his embarrassment with his arms.

"_No_, JF," FallShort interrupted her. "You're _not _going to bring him…"

There was an enormous explosion sound, and the frame rattled. Everyone turned to stare offstage left.

"Oh, _bleep_," IB uttered, his eyes flying wide with shock. "I think I just wet my pants."

"Ew, gross!" Both of his sisters leapt away from him, cringing, as another explosion racked the studio.

"Oh, tell me you didn't, JF!" FallShort wailed, as all the characters craned there necks to try and see the commotion backstage.

"I didn't!" JFreak said.

"Then what is that…?" The explosion was louder this time, and a metal panel flew onstage, and Zuko ducked just in time. Unfortunately, because of this, it ended up whacking Azula in the head, and splintering into a thousand pieces that showered over the characters to her right. The Princess slumped, out cold. Zuko sat up, staring in shock at his unconscious, maniacal sister.

"You told me to _say_ I didn't…that doesn't mean I _actually _didn't!"

"Oh, no!" FS groaned.

"Oh, _yes!_"

The crowd stirred, uneasy.

Hastily, JFreak unzipped the rifle case and pulled the gun out. Hoisting it against her shoulder and holding it at ready.

IB stared at his twin unblinkingly as another ground-shuddering explosion shook the room. "_Please _tell me you brought the ammo!"

"Ammo?" JF glanced at her brother. "I thought this thing was already loaded!"

"No!" IB would have ripped his hair out…if he had actually had any at that particular moment. "You don't keep a loaded gun under the bed!" he shouted, stupefied as a result of his sister's ignorance. "What were you _thinking?_"

"Apparently she wasn't!" FallShort yelled over the _bang _of another explosion. Grabbing the rifle and case from her younger sister, she pointed to the line of characters. "Cut all of them loose! We'll need they're help to control him!"

"All right!" Sokka beamed. "Let's get this guy!"

IB leapt up, sliding under the desk and bringing out a sheathed bayonet.

"Where the heck did you get _that?!_" FallShort asked over the noise.

"It's our Uncle Dave's, remember? He's got like three of these!" IBender responded, slashing with the bayonet at the characters bonds. "Let's go, guys!" IB rallied the characters, all who stood upon release, gathering their elements.

Sokka pulled out his boomerang with a flourish, letting out a blood-curdling war cry.

Aang took an airbending stance beside Katara, who pulled the water from her meager pouch. Toph, in front of the two, tore part of the stage's metal backing out of the wall, crunching it to a smaller size.

Suki took two fans from beneath her robe, while Zuko and Iroh stood shoulder to shoulder, flames sprouting from their palms.

Behind them all stood FallShort with the rifle and ImaginaryBender with the unsheathed bayonet.

"Wait a second," IB yelled to his older sister, "Don't you have a bow and quiver under your desk?"

"Yeah," FS replied, "I do like archery!"

"Get it!" the boy jerked his thumb back. "I'll cover you if things unravel."

"All right!" FS placed the rifle on the table and ducked underneath, retrieving her archery equipment, which, until now, was used for sport. Slinging the quiver over her shoulder and notching an arrow to her bow, she stood beside her younger brother.

"Wow!" JFreak shouted when the wall on stage left exploded, leaving the Combustion Man standing there in all of his third-eyed, metal-limbed glory. "Look at all of us, fighting together now! Something I've always imagined! Yay good guys! I've always wished this wou…"

FallShort whacked her upside the head with the rifle butt, and the hostess crumpled to the ground, unconscious. "Be quiet!" her older sister yelled uselessly, before turning back to the battle at hand.

The Combustion Man inhaled, using his freaky power to superheat the air around him and create the necessary conditions for another explosion. The camera swept over the line of defenders, from IB and FallShort to Zuko and Iroh in the front, finally settling on the Combustion Man.

Bob suddenly felt a huge rush of hot air, and…

_BOOM!!_

_Bleep._

* * *

**A/N:** Thus ends this extremely long finale chapter. This series is officially finished. Thanks to all of you who stuck with me and waited throughout this extremely long, busy summer! I apologize again for the two month long wait, and I hope everyone has a wonderful remainder of the summer, before school starts up again! Kudos to everyone!

Let it be known among everyone who read this chapter that I actually_ do_ like watching the Discovery and History channels, at least, some of the shows on them. Not all of them, but yeah, you get the picture. :D


End file.
